Nine years on: my husband, my rock

It is nine years today since hubby and I got married. Our wedding day was one of the happiest days of my life. I can still remember the joy I felt on the day and how thrilled I was to be finally marrying the man I loved. It was a beautiful day with so many of our family and friends there to celebrate with us. We were taking a new step on our journey together as we promised to be there for each other “for better or worse”, ready to share life’s ups and downs.

 

Me and hubby on our wedding day - "None years on: my husband, my rock"

 

I look back at that happy couple, so full of hope and joy. Looking forward to their life together, looking forward to creating a family. That “happily ever after” would be full of challenges was never in doubt, but they were sure that they would work through them together.

 

What a journey those nine years have been. It has been quite a rollercoaster ride. From losing my dad five months after our wedding, through the anxiety of finding out about Jessica’s heart condition during my pregnancy with her and the pure joy we felt when she was born. We held each other close and gave each other strength through her surgeries. Watching Jessica grow and thrive gave us so much happiness as did the arrival of Sophie a couple of years later. There were bumps in the road as I struggled with postnatal depression after Sophie’s arrival, but we got through them together. Our two beautiful daughters were our world. In those moments when we were out and about together as a family, life felt utterly perfect.

 

Sophie, me, hubby and Jessica sitting on a bench with me holding a scan photo

 

We were so thrilled to discover we were expecting another baby at the end of last year. There was anxiety over Christmas and the new year as Jessica underwent another surgery. When she recovered well, we started to dare to look ahead once more. To look forward to becoming a family of five and the prospect of a normal life without another surgery looming on the horizon. And then, suddenly our world was completely shattered when Jessica died.

 

In those dark days immediately after Jessica’s death, we clung to each other, supporting each other. Each of us giving strength to the other in different ways and at different times. On the day of Jessica’s funeral, as the hearse with her little casket arrived outside our house, I looked at hubby and asked him how on earth we were going to get through it. He simply said:

 

“We will get through it the way we always get through. Together. I will be there by your side throughout. We are a team.”

 

“We are a team.” Four little words that sum up our married life together. Throughout the wonderful highs and the devastating lows, my husband has always been there, holding my hand. The last three months have been unbelievably hard. There have been many, many times when neither of us feels like we have the strength to go on; when all we can do is just hold each other close as we both fall apart. There are times when he gives me the strength to take the next step and times when I do the same for him. He has seen me at my best and at my worst; in my most joyful moments and in my darkest ones. Throughout it all, he reminds me that he loves me – not just in words, but in his actions too.

 

He has been the most wonderful daddy to our girls. So proud of them both and always at his happiest when spending time with his family. I loved how their faces would light up when he came home from work; the excitement in their voices when they said “It’s Daddy! Daddy’s home!” and the way both Jessica and Sophie would throw themselves on him for cuddles and kisses. I loved the way he would spin them round; the pride on his face when he watched them doing sports days, or ballet shows, or church parade. Seeing the way our girls were the centre of his world made me love him even more.

 

Hubby with Sophie and Jessica

 

Our journey through our married life so far has not been an easy one, but I am thankful for this wonderful husband of mine. Having him by my side makes the hardest moments of our journey a little easier to bear. The memories we share are so very precious. He is the only one who has walked this journey alongside me; the one who truly understands what that journey has been like and how hard it now is to live each day without Jessica. He shares my fears and anxieties as we prepare for a new chapter in our lives with the arrival of baby Peanut.

 

Married life is full of ups and downs. There are times when we fight, and times when we take each other for granted. Times when he drives me mad and times when I drive him mad. I know though that when life is at its hardest, he is there by my side. Reminding me that this is our journey through life, and that we will face it together. Whatever life’s journey throws at us, one thing remains the same. We are a team. We might be broken, devastated and incomplete but we are still a team.

 

Mum Muddling Through
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19 Comments

  1. July 11, 2018 / 5:23 am

    What an amazing husband and an amazing marriage you have, Louise. What you have been through over the last few months shouldn’t happen to anyone, but thank goodness you have such a supportive husband to understand and help you through it.
    I’m not sure ‘happy anniversary’ are even the right words, but I will say them anyway – happy anniversary to you both. x

    • Louise
      Author
      July 16, 2018 / 1:16 pm

      Thank you Sarah. Having hubby’s support has made the last few months (and the journey we’ve been on over the last seven years) a little easier x

  2. Elizabeth Kemp
    July 11, 2018 / 9:31 am

    Happy Anniversary Louise and Michael. I feel privileged to have conducted your wedding ceremony way back then- and to be included in your blogging, as you have shared some of the most tender and honest words and images. The photo on the lawn at Jean and Rod’s is delightful- Michael’s face says it all. Know that you continue to be held in love.

    • Louise
      Author
      July 16, 2018 / 1:20 pm

      Thank you Elizabeth – I still remember a lot of what you said on our wedding day, especially the part about God being the third strand to the cord that made up our marriage and that has also been a big thing helping to keep us going in the difficult times x

  3. July 11, 2018 / 10:14 am

    Happy anniversary to you both! You are such a lovely couple xxx

    • Louise
      Author
      July 16, 2018 / 1:21 pm

      Thank you Kim x

  4. July 11, 2018 / 11:35 am

    Happy anniversary to you both. I am so glad you’ve got each other. I can’t imagine a more difficult time than what you’re going through at the moment and your husband sounds like he has been such a big support for you, Jessica and Sophie since you got married.
    Nat.x

    • Louise
      Author
      July 16, 2018 / 1:21 pm

      Thank you Nat. He is very supportive and I’m so thankful for that x

  5. July 12, 2018 / 9:11 am

    Congratulations to you both! You look so happy together 🙂 xx

    • Louise
      Author
      July 16, 2018 / 1:24 pm

      Thank you Megan

  6. July 12, 2018 / 10:25 am

    Happy anniversary 🙂 Rev T and I often say that we couldn’t have got through the last few years – death of parents, health problems, moving to the other side of London etc – without each other. What you say is so true, what we couldn’t do by ourselves can be done with the right person by our side. Sending hugs to you all

    • Louise
      Author
      July 16, 2018 / 1:26 pm

      Thank you – having such a supportive partner really does make a huge difference in the difficult times. I’m glad that you have that support with Rev T as well.

  7. July 12, 2018 / 12:22 pm

    What an amazing team you are! You’ve already been through much more than you should have to as a couple – let’s home the next 9 years give your hearts time to heal and for your love to grow even stronger xx #CoolMumsClub

    • Louise
      Author
      July 16, 2018 / 1:27 pm

      Thank you – it’s certainly been quite a rollercoaster ride.

    • Louise
      Author
      July 16, 2018 / 1:27 pm

      Thank you – it’s certainly been quite a rollercoaster ride.

  8. July 12, 2018 / 12:23 pm

    Happy anniversary guys! Just discovered your blog via #CoolMumsClub xx

    • Louise
      Author
      July 16, 2018 / 1:28 pm

      Thank you Tina

  9. July 12, 2018 / 6:57 pm

    It’s always been clear to see the love and strength you two have in each other, and It’s so heartwarming to hear that your grief is a united front as I can only imagine in times like this it could go one of two ways. Keep going, together, in that team, what a testament to a wonderful marriage, even if the times haven’t always been wonderful. Every photo of Jessica both makes me smile and makes me so sad Louise. Forever in my thoughts xxx
    Thank you for sharing with #CoolMumClub

    • Louise
      Author
      July 16, 2018 / 1:30 pm

      Thank you – it has made so much difference to know that I have that support and that even in the challenging times, we’ve pulled together to get through and continue to do so. It is so bittersweet looking at photos of Jessica – I love seeing them all but I often wish I could step into the photo and be there again x

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