Journey’s end

This is the post that I always feared I would one day have to write. It breaks my heart to be writing it now. Our beautiful Jessica passed away in the early hours of this morning. She had been unwell on and off for several weeks after returning to school. We had several doctor’s visits, a couple of trips to hospital and an emergency admission earlier this week. When she was discharged on Thursday with a big bag of meds, we thought that these would finally help her start to get better. Sadly, it was not to be.

 

Last night, she woke up coughing and came for a snuggle in our bed. She complained that her back and tummy hurt and then suddenly she stopped breathing. We called 999, tried CPR which the paramedics and A&E staff continued but to no avail. Our beautiful Jessica was gone.

 

Jessica wearing a butterfly headband - "Journey's end"

 

To say we are heartbroken is an understatement. We are devastated beyond belief and yet thankful that we had six and a half wonderful years with this beautiful little girl of ours. Seven years ago, we were told that she would not survive for more than a few days. To have had so long with her was a huge blessing. We thank God for every day we had with her. No amount of time would ever have been enough though.

 

Sophie, me, hubby and Jessica sitting in a garden during our holiday

 

We were lucky to be able to enjoy a family holiday with Jessica in the last couple of weeks and we made some wonderful memories which we will treasure forever.

 

Sophie has been our little ray of sunshine. We don’t think she fully understands yet – she knows that Jessica is in hospital and that Mummy and Daddy are sad and miss her, but I don’t think that she yet realises that Jessica will not be coming home again.

 

Our beautiful girl is now out of pain – no more breathlessness, no more struggles with energy. Her special heart is whole again but ours will always have a big Jessica-sized hole which can never be filled.

 

Jessica sitting in her buggy and smiling

 

Thank you so much for all your kind messages of support and love on social media today. We know that we are surrounded by love and prayers and we are eternally grateful for that. Please, please keep talking about Jessica. Don’t ever feel afraid to mention her name. She is our little girl, she is part of our family and we will want to talk about her, to remember her, to relive all those beautiful memories. We know that many of you feel that you have no words, that you may not know what to say. The fact that you are letting us know that you care is enough.

 

We have set up a JustGiving page in Jessica’s memory to raise money for Little Hearts Matter. They have supported us so much through this journey and we know they will continue to do so in our bereavement.

 

Jessica will be going to the John Radcliffe on Monday for a post-mortem to determine the cause of her death. It seems appropriate that the hospital where this journey first started; the hospital that gave us that first glimmer of hope is the hospital to give that final piece of information about her life.

 

Thank you all again so much for your support and love. It means a lot to know that Jessica touched so many hearts in her short life. She was truly a joy-carrier and we were so blessed to have been her mummy and daddy.

 

Jessica cuddling her Kerry dolly

116 thoughts on “Journey’s end

  1. You don’t know me but I have been following your posts about Jessica for a long time and it was such a shock to hear your news. Im so very sorry, what a beautiful brave girl. Thinking of you all x

  2. I’m so sorry for your loss, you are so brave for writing this post when you must be hurting so much right now. She seems like an amazing little girl

  3. It is such devastating news…My thoughts are with you and your family. Jessica was such a special little girl. She will always be remembered. Sending love and hugs to you xxxx

  4. I just want to reach over and give you a big hug. I’m so sorry to hear the sad news, you’ve all been through so much. They’re never truly gone as they live on in our hearts and memories which i’m Sure Jessica will xx

  5. Oh Louise. I am so devastated for you and your family. Your little girl has touched so many people in her far too short lifetime and she will be remembered by so many for her huge welcoming smile and her strength and courage. Sending my thoughts and prayers to you all. Xxxx

  6. I am so terribly sorry for your loss. What a sweet, beautiful little girl. I hope that your memories of Jessica can bring you some comfort in this sad time. xx

  7. I am so sorry for your loss. Jessica was such a beautiful little girl. Sending you all lots of love x

  8. Just read your post to Rebecca, we are sending so much love to ye and will forever keep Jessica in our hearts xxx thinking of you all xxx

  9. I don’t know you or your beautiful family and yet I am so devastated for you. Your words are so well written and heartfelt I really can’t imagine what it must be like to go through something like this but I’m sending you love and strength. I’m so sorry to read this xx

  10. Words can be of little comfort at times like this but, as you say, Jessica is no longer in pain. Thoughts with you, Michael and Sophie. Jessica will be gone but never forgotten.

  11. Sending all my love Louise, I cannot begin to imagine your pain. Your beautiful little girl, Jessica will always be remembered. Xxxx

  12. We are sending all of our love to you and your family. Jessica’s life gave so many great hope and I’m so completely heartbroken for you all. You’ll be in my thoughts and prayers continually. Your little one is whole again, I’m so sorry for your beautiful, precious loss.

  13. So devastated to see your news this morning and have been thinking about Jessica and all of you all day. I know how much joy and happiness she brought you and I cannot imagine how you are feeling today and will be feeling for weeks, months and years to come. Sending love to you and hoping you get some answers from the hospital. X

  14. I found your family through Instagram and followed Jessica’s journey. I waited with you for news of her surgery, held my breath on the day until you told us she was out. Watched her recover and go back to school. Throughout it all she was so brave and always smiling. My thoughts are with you at such a sad time. She died knowing how much she was loved, and with those she loved. Xxxxx Sally

  15. I used to look our for your post every Sunday with your two little girls and I will really miss seeing them together. I feel like I’ve seen her grow up and she really did bring a smile to so many. Lots of love to you Louise xx

  16. Jessica’s beautiful smile and her amazing legacy will never leave this world. So desperately sorry for your tragic loss Louise, and to Michael, Sophie and the rest of your family too xxx

  17. I’ve loved hearing about Jessica (and Sophie) through your posts, particularly the funny things they said in FTMOB. She was a ray of sunshine. I’m so very sorry for your loss. Sending love to you all.

  18. I am so very sad to read this – I cannot even begin to imagine how you’re feeling! You are all in my thoughts and prayers – I will always remember Jessica as such a brave and kind and beautiful girl, whose joy you shared with us all on here. Much love to you all xx

  19. So sorry to hear this terrible news from Gillian this morning. You have all been very much in my thoughts today. Jessica will live on in your hearts in all the lovely memories that you have. She was a beautiful, courageous wee girl. xx

  20. I’m so sorry to hear about Jessica, and I’m wisning you the strength to get through this as a family, as you find your new normal. It says a lot about a person when they’re only six and have left such a legacy.

  21. I’m really sad to hear this news and although I just don’t know what to say, please know that you and your family are in my thoughts and prayers, and I too will remember Jessica xxx

  22. I am so sorry for your loss, Jessica was a beautiful courageous little girl. You and your family are very much in my thoughts today xxx

  23. There are no words I can share ,no sentiment that can help …know I am thinking of you all. Know that I know it’s not fair despite knowing that this day could happen since she was born, it’s still not fair . Know that you all made her life …gave her life and she enjoyed it so much . I’m heartbroken for you all and one day too I know I’ll be on the same side as you both and that still won’t be fair.
    Sending you love and strength xxxxx thinking of your family

  24. Louise and family, I’m so sorry to learn this news. We have met a few times over the years as we have both been on the same road. My son James has a double inlet ventricle with his operations at Southampton and reviewed in Oxford too.
    These heart babies never fail to amaze me with their courage and determination, even when the odds are against them.
    We will be thinking of you all at this awful time, with all our love xxx

  25. Oh Louise. Saying sorry just doesn’t seem enough — words don’t really express how sad and sorry I am to hear this. Thinking of you and your family at such a devastating time. Lots and lots of love xxxxx

  26. I am so very sorry to read about Jessica’s passing. I’ve been following her (and your) journey for some time now and she was such a beautiful little girl. My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family xxx

  27. Oh Louise what a davstating post to have to write. Jessica was an amazing girl and she was lucky to have such an amazing family in you guys. Sending so, so much love xxx

  28. I’m so deeply sorry for your loss and you are so brave for writing this post. You little girl was so precious and from her smile, it is not hard to see that she lived a very happy and forfilled life with her family. I will pray for you all to stay strong xxx

  29. Louise I’m so shocked and sad to hear your devastating news. I found your blog through linky’s and whenever I read or followed your Instagram posts I always thought what a brave and happy girl. I can’t imagine how you will find the strength to carry on but we are all here for you. Thinking of you all xxx

  30. I have no words to express how truly sorry I am for your loss. Jessica was a beautiful, brave girl, who could not have wished for a better family to enjoy life with and support her. She was always smiling and I so enjoyed reading your posts about family life – you were always out and about doing something, with many memories to treasure. Sending my love to you all at this tragic time xxx

  31. All I know about you and your family I know from reading your blog, and I know that Jessica was a proper little fighter who never seemed to let things get on top of her. I admit I had a tear or two reading this, I am so very very sorry xx

  32. I can’t even begin to comprehend what your night was like, you are so incredibly brave. I am so veey sorry for you that she has gone. I hope you have people around to support you and help carry you through the next few weeks and months. Love, and strength, to you and your family from me and mine xx

  33. Louise, I am so sorry. I’ve loved reading about Jessica and seeing her pretty, smiling face. She won’t ever be forgotten.

  34. There are just no words , I am heartbroken for you and your family. Please , please know how much love there was for Jessica and how much we were all there with you through the last few months. I have so enjoyed watching daily updates and how positive you have been each day through what must have been a very stressful time. Jessica and her beautiful smiling face will never be forgotten and your families story has truly touched me. I prayed when i saw this title that it wasnt going to be the journeys end , i prayed that somehow you were going to say that Jessica had made some huge improvement. You will eternally be in my thoughts and I know that Jessicas Angel wings will huge & sparkly 🙂

  35. I cannot begin to imagine your heartbreak. Yours was one of the first blogs I found when I started myself and I have watched Jessica grow. I saw her personality shine through in every photo, in every word you wrote about her. Her heart was special and precious in so many ways and the world is a poorer place without her. I am so, so sorry for your loss. xx

  36. I’m so very sorry for your loss – Jessica was such a special little girl and it feels very cruel that she is no longer with you. But as you say, her heart is now whole and she is no longer in pain. Sending all my love to your family during this incredibly sad time xxx

  37. Oh Louise! Jessica’s memory will live on in the hearts and minds of everyone that she touched with her brightness, through this blog. We’re so sorry to hear of your loss and she was so strong for so long. Our prayers are with you all x Bella and her mummy Dawn x

  38. Through your blog I saw Jess grew up and its so weird to read that she is gone. I am thinking of you and Jessica and Micheal and Sophie. I am remembering the blog post where I saw her make crafts and jump on puddles, I will remember her on her colorful jackets and pretty princess clothes. How happy she is when you visit places and legoland. I will miss her and her lovely sweet smile.

    I am sorry for your loss and sending you all my love.

  39. Gees I don’t know how you’ve managed to write this. I’m a blubbing wreck just reading it. I’m so sorry to read this news.

  40. Oh Louise, I cried reading this. I cannot imagine how you must all be feeling right now. We are all thinking of you. Although I didn’t meet Jessica, she looks like such a ray of sunshine. Xxx

  41. I am so sorry to read this post about the loss of your daughter Jessica. I follow your blog and have read previous posts about Jessica and was always struck by how much she enjoyed life, not letting her condition stop her from having fun and being a happy little girl. I hope that the memories of the happy times you spent together can help to comfort you at this difficult time.

  42. I’m so so sorry for your loss. There aren’t any words of consolation I can say – I just wanted to let you know that you and your family are in my thoughts. I loved reading about the adventures and fun you had with Jessica and Sophie. I wish you lots of love and strength for the future.

  43. I have only tears.
    Over the last few years while sharing the conversations we have with our children I feel I have gotten to know Jessica a bit and I am so grateful. Thank you so much for taking the Time to share her with us.
    Your grace and the thoughtful tribute you have shared with us during your time of need has raised you higher in my esteem than I though possible.
    Os meus sentimentos, my sincerest condolences to you and your family.
    I will never forget Jessica.
    Ever.

    ~Joy

  44. So very, very sad to hear this. I always love reading about your gorgeous and funny and kind and brave Jessica. Thinking of you all xx

  45. Thank you all so much for your kind words. It helps so much knowing that we are surrounded by such love right now. Jessica brought so much joy to so many people and it has touched to know that so many people followed her journey. She was such a little fighter x

  46. Louise, Michael and Sophie, My husband and I are truly heartbroken to hear this news. Jessica meant so much to us and through your blog we fell in love with a little girl who we never even met. I can’t imagine how you must be feeling, but you are all in our thoughts and prayers x x x Sarah and Dave

  47. I’m so, so sorry for your loss. As you know I’ve followed your blog for a while, and Jessica looks like such a lovely little girl. Your words here have done her hugely proud too. Thinking of you at this difficult time xxx

  48. Sending you love and strength. What a beautiful and inspiring little girl. Much love to you, Michael and Sophie x

  49. Every Friday I have so looked forward to your word of the week post, seeing the beautiful photo’s of Jessica and Sophie and all of the fun and love you had packed into each week. I’m so sorry that Jessica’s journey has come to end but she will never be forgotten. I’m thinking of you all and sending you so much love x

  50. You’ve been in my thoughts all weekend. Wishing you strength to get through the dark days! I’m so glad you’ve got a support network around you.

    So sorry for your loss. ❤️

  51. I am so so sorry to read that journeys end has come.
    May the memories bring you some small amount of comfort.
    Sending love and hugs to you all, especially Sophie who is to young to understand the finality of it.

  52. Sending huge love and prayers to you all. I struggled to read this due to our own close call last year and can’t imagine how you are feeling right now. A day at a time I guess. And you’ve got a million happy memories too xx

  53. I was so sorry to read your IG post when I was away on Saturday. Jessica has touched so many lives and I’ve loved following your adventures on Country Kids each week. Her smile was always there to enjoy along with Sophie’s.

    As we headed off on our own Country Kids adventure on Saturday, you were all in our thoughts. We sailed petals down the stream for Jessica and shed a few tears when our day ended with a rainbow.

    I feel that Jessica will be with us every time we are out and about. If that makes any sense.

    Sending you all my love xx

  54. Oh, Louise, this news has really floored me and I can’t begin to imagine how you and your family must be feeling. I am so sorry to read this sad news and for your loss. Little Jessica touched the lives of many without ever having met them and that is special.

    Sending big virtual hugs to you all.

    xx

  55. Words cannot even begin to express how truly sorry I am. Your beautiful girl will be forever remembered and will live on in all your memories. Sending so much love to you all x

  56. Oh, there are not enough words in the world to express how much my heart is breaking for you. I remember when I first began following you and your beautiful family on Instagram. Jessica’s smile was radiant. She lit up my feed.

    She will forever be present in my heart. Her story will continue.

    Much love to you all at this devastating time. xx

  57. I’m so, so sorry for your loss Louise. Jessica always looked so happy and smiley in all her photos and no wonder, you filled her short life with so much fun and adventure. Thinking about you all and sending you lots of love xx

  58. I’m so sorry to hear about Jessica, this post is so wonderfully written – I can feel the pain through every tap of the keyboard though… She sounds like a very brave and strong little girl. Thinking of you, xxx

  59. Oh Louise I never expected to read this… you must all be devastated. No words can help at this incredibly sad time. Jessica’s smile always radiated from my screen and is the way I shall remember her.
    Thinking of you all and sending hugs and love to you xx

  60. I’m so sorry for your immense loss. I have been following you on Instagram and am so saddened by this news. But sending prayers and hugs, for your family. Rest in peace, Jessica x

  61. Joining with everyone else to say how sorry I am to hear this incredibly sad news. I have read posts here and there, as have always seen your smiling face pop up on linkies and even my own once or twice, for which I’ve always been so grateful for. Your little girl has a smile that lights up the room, and I’m sure that’s what she’s doing right now. Lighting up the way doesn’t always look like being here, in this world as we know it. Lighting up the way stays on when we go, in the little kindnesses we showed in our time here, and I know Jessica showed her big heart in lots of beautiful ways that will live on forever. Thank you too, for your fighting spirit as a warrior mama who kept on no matter what, you’re an inspiration for us all. Your book will help so many people and I am sure your gratitude practice will help too, as you show that gratitude is being grateful even in the hardest of times. I’m devastated for you honey. You are all in my thoughts and prayers. I’m including your post and details of where we can donate in the next BritMums Round-Up for May. Much love and appreciation, Lizzie xo

  62. I am so acclimatised to your ‘I am grateful for’ posts warming my day, your beautiful story reminding me to be grateful, that it took a photo of a little pink coffin to realise Jessica had passed. I am so used to her face brightening my feed it seems I have taken it for granted. My eyes are full with tears for you all. I am grateful for you letting me witness the wonders of your devotion, I am grateful for you sharing your journey. I am to Jessica a stranger, but to me Jessica has been a teacher. She has taught me to appreciate the hearts beating in my children’s beds each night, to take a moment to appreciate the moment. Love ❤️ and hearts ♥️ go hand in hand, just as she will forever be connected with you. Be proud of her fight, but be proud of yours. A mama bear like you leading her adventure, there is no wonder your cub climbed mountains! All my love. Xx

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