Child loss

A smiley Jessica sitting in a tree

Grief and life after Jessica: 18 months on

18 months. 18 months of having to live without our beautiful big girl. Part of me wonders how it can it be 18 months already, but then sometimes I look…

A birthday cake in the shape of a butterfly with pink buttercream wings covered in butterfly and heart sprinkles and a number 8 candle

To Jessica on your eighth birthday

Darling Jessica,   Today is your eighth birthday. Eight sounds so grown up. I wonder what you would have been like now. I could imagine you on your seventh birthday…

A drawing of me looking sad, holding a happy mask in front of my face and looking into a mirror

Grief and life after Jessica: Behind the mask

I had a conversation with an acquaintance the other day which went something like this:   Them: “You look miserable today, what’s the matter?” Me: “Jessica’s dead.” Them: “Oh, is…

A pink and white heart with "Jessica" written on it hanging in a tree

Grief and life after Jessica: How do you survive this?

“How do I survive this?!” It’s a question I’ve screamed out many times over the past year. In those moments when I am blinded by tears, overwhelmed and broken by…

Jessica and Sophie sitting and splashing in a tuff tray full of water

#givejoyforjessica – spread a smile on 14 April

The one phrase I probably use most often to describe Jessica is ‘joy-carrier’. She truly was a little ray of sunshine – full of big smiles and spreading happiness wherever…

Jessica's memorial at GreenAcres, next to a wooden vase filled with daffodils

A tribute to our joy-carrier: the making of Jessica’s memorial

Jessica’s forever bed is in a beautiful woodland burial site. As the surroundings are all very natural, there are quite strict restrictions about memorials and what can be placed at…

Jessica sitting on a tree stump

Grief and life after Jessica: What I want my friends and family to know

Dealing with someone else’s grief is something that many people are uncomfortable with, especially when it comes to child loss. Many people don’t really know what to say, or to…

Jessica wearing a princess dress, fairy wings and a teddy bear ears headband looking at a fairy house in the woods

Living with the fear of losing a child: thoughts from the other side

One of my favourite quotes as a heart parent was this one: “Having a child with a life-threatening condition changes you. It brings out strength in you that you never…

The word survival in front of a word cloud of encouraging phrases and words

Grief and life after Jessica: reflecting on my word for the year

Nearly every week on my blog, I share a post called “The Friday Focus”. It’s a post where I sum up the past week in one word and reflect on…

Sophie cuddling Thomas with Jessica looking on from a photo on her photo blanket

A mum of two plus one

Two plus one equals three. My five-year-old could tell you that. It’s a simple sum, two plus one. But when you’re a mum to “two plus one” somehow that sum…