As expected, this week has been a stormy one on the grief front. With the memories of ‘this time last year’ becoming increasingly painful and the anniversary of Jessica’s death now just a couple of days away, my emotions have been very up and down. I knew this week would be a tough one. It’s been all about taking the storms as they come, letting the emotions come and being kind to myself.
The support and love from friends and family has helped a lot this week. We’ve had messages from friends, cards, flowers – little reminders that we are being held in the thoughts of others and that they are sending us love and strength for the coming days.
There have been little rainbows in the storm – the little moments which bring a smile. One of my friends made some crocheted hearts to help #givejoyforjessica and left them where others could find them. I had a message from a lady who had found one of them. She was planning to make her own heart to pass on and help spread more joy for Jessica. How lovely to know that the joy is being passed forward in that way.
I’ve been trying to find the balance between allowing myself the space I need to grieve this week, but also make the Easter holidays enjoyable for Sophie. So far, I think I’ve managed it. We had a couple of planned activities that could have been easily cancelled if needed, and we’ve had a little time out and about each day.
Things that have made me smile this week
- Thomas reaching out to stroke Jessica’s sculpture when we visited her forever bed.
- Seeing the ‘Jack has a heart operation’ and ‘Jessica has a heart operation’ books on the information stand at the Little Hearts Matter open day and catching up with heart family friends.
- Breaking up the journey home from the Little Hearts Matter open day with a walk around Charlecote Park.
- An afternoon at Chiltern Open Air Museum.
- Watching Sophie playing with the dolls in her dolls’ house.
- Making a rain gauge with Sophie.
- Fun up in the trees, climbing across the nets at Go Ape thanks to a day out with Halo Children’s Foundation.
- A walk around Denham Country Park following the Easter trail there.
- Watching Sophie having fun with a friend making a fairy picture and exploring Iver Environment Centre.