One of the things I always loved about joining in with the Siblings project is how it helped me capture so many of the beautiful moments with my girls. For four years, I shared photos showing the beautiful bond they had along with a monthly update on all the little things each of them had been doing.
It breaks my heart that Sophie has lost that beautiful bond and the companionship she had with Jessica. My girls really were the best of friends. It was so wonderful to watch them playing together or walking along hand-in-hand as we headed out on adventures. I know that Sophie misses her big sister and playmate. It makes so sad that I cannot make it better; I cannot replace what she has lost.
It has been lovely though to see her enjoy some little sibling moments once more though with the arrival of baby Thomas. Sophie has been such a wonderful big sister so far. Seeing her with Thomas reminds me so much of how Jessica was with her. I know Jessica would have been equally wonderful and it breaks my heart that I will never get to see how she would have been with Thomas.
One thing is for sure: Thomas will grow up knowing that he has two wonderful big sisters. We will tell him all about how excited his biggest sister was when she found out we were expecting him and how much she would have loved him.
Jessica is, and will always be, very much a part of our family and our lives. Having her photo on a cushion helps to make us feel that she is still with us in some ways. It also means that I can capture photos of my little trio together. Because they are a trio even though there are now only two of them here with me. I am, and will always be, a mother of three. Even though Jessica is no longer physically here, she is very much still here in our hearts and constantly in our thoughts.
Jessica (forever 6 years 7 months)
- We had the results back from the post-mortem. The cause of Jessica’s death was given as a congenital heart defect with secondary factors being viral infections and liver changes (which would have been as a result of her Fontan circulation). It doesn’t really explain why she died so suddenly. Having the post-mortem results meant that we were able to register Jessica’s death though.
- Would have been so thrilled by Thomas’s arrival. She wanted Peanut to be a baby brother.
Sophie (4 years 9 months)
- Had a lovely time at her preschool leavers’ party and is looking forward to starting big school next month.
- Is enjoying being a big sister and often tells us that she loves Thomas and is proud of her baby brother.
- Loved the memory box that she was sent by Halo to help store things that remind her of Jessica. She then asked us to visit Jessica her forever bed so she could tell her sister about the memory box. It was the first time that she had asked to visit Jessica.
- Has enjoyed having her cousins come to stay recently. She really misses having someone to play with all the time so loved having her cousins there to play with her.
Thomas (0 years 3 weeks)
- Is a little milk monster.
- Visited Jessica’s forever bed on his first trip out and about.
- Has now been registered so is all official.
- Has loved having lots of cuddles with his cousins and being carried around in the sling when out and about.