Me and Mine – August 2017

When we started the summer holidays, we didn’t know if we would get to the end without Jessica having her next heart surgery. In many ways we have been in limbo throughout the summer – not being able to look too far ahead; waiting for the phone call to give us the date for Jessica’s surgery to take place. Focusing on making memories together, on enjoying the moment. Here we are at the end of the summer, feeling thankful to have been able to have the whole of it together and enjoy it.

 

Me, hubby, Jessica and Sophie with the Gruffalo at Alice Holt forest - "Me and Mine - August 2017"

 

Heart surgery is still very much on the cards. We’ve had a call from the hospital but the date they have given us coincides with the start of one of hubby’s busiest periods at work. We knew that if the surgery didn’t happen in the summer that this could be the case. I need to have hubby by my side when it happens – it isn’t something I want to have to face alone. This means that Jessica’s surgery will need to be put off for a few more weeks. Thankfully, although the surgery is necessary, it isn’t urgent. It does mean, however, that we will be in limbo for a while longer while we wait for a new date.

 

Me, Jessica, Sophie and hubby in a car shaped piece of playground equipment

 

In many ways our summer together has been a wonderful one. We have enjoyed lots of family time together; gone out on adventures and had a lot of fun. We have certainly made the most of it. There have been so many happy moments, a lot of laughter and a lot of joy.

 

Me, hubby, Jessica and Sophie in front of a Lego building at Legoland

 

Under the surface though, lurks that ever-present fear of the road ahead. It is a fear that I have done my utmost to keep from showing in front of my girls. It comes out in other ways though. There have been times that it feels like I’m on a rollercoaster when it comes to my emotions – all of which seem heightened at the moment. My patience has run thin too easily at times and small challenges have felt like huge obstacles. There are days when I feel like I am wading through treacle, trying to keep a smile on my face throughout, trying to make the summer a magical one as far as my girls are concerned.

 

I find myself trying to bottle the moments, trying to lock every single precious second of them in my mind. Wanting to hold on to them forever; hold on to this summer as tightly as I can. Constantly aware of how quickly those moments slip through my fingers, how quickly the time passes.

 

Me, hubby, Jessica and Sophie with one of the fairies at Trentham Gardens

 

The next step has to be faced. We cannot do anything to change that. All we can do is to try and enjoy the now, enjoy those moments together as a family. I am so thankful for each and every one of them. I just wish that I could freeze them for a little longer.

 

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26 Comments

  1. August 31, 2017 / 6:57 am

    Oh Louise! So much of what you have written really resonated with me… There is nothing like fear for our children, is there? We had a major appointment for Heidi’s heart situation in Tueaday, and I always get anxious in the build up. Praying for you in these next few weeks of uncertainty, and for peace for your Mama heart. It looks like you’ve had a wonderfully fun filled summer!

    • Louise
      Author
      September 8, 2017 / 1:22 pm

      Thank you so much Claire. I’m trying to relax and enjoy September now that we know surgery is still a few weeks away. It was so lovely to be able to enjoy the whole of the summer.

  2. August 31, 2017 / 10:52 am

    I’m glad you’ve had a wonderful summer, and you’ve certainly made the most of it. Fingers crossed the limbo won’t last too long and the next date will turn out to be absolutely perfect for all of you x

    • Louise
      Author
      September 8, 2017 / 1:25 pm

      Thank you Carie. We did have a lovely summer 🙂

  3. August 31, 2017 / 1:28 pm

    Aww! Lovely photos…
    I agree. You need your hubby there with you when Jessica goes for her surgery. I hope another date comes soon but at the same time I wish she didn’t need the surgery at all. Sending love and hugs x

    • Louise
      Author
      September 8, 2017 / 1:26 pm

      Thank you Kim. It looks like it will be in November but we won’t know a date for a few weeks now. In the meantime, I’m just going to focus on enjoying this month and trying not to worry (well, as much as you can when there’s a heart surgery on the cards anyway!) x

  4. August 31, 2017 / 7:19 pm

    So many gorgeous photos here Louise! I’m so glad you’ve managed to fill the summer holidays with so many adventures – it looks like you’ve all had a wonderful time. It’s completely understandable that you’d want your husband there for it, and I’m sure he wouldn’t want to be absent either. I hope another date comes through for you soon and you can move out of limbo.

    • Louise
      Author
      September 8, 2017 / 1:27 pm

      Thank you Katy. It has been a lovely summer 🙂

  5. August 31, 2017 / 7:44 pm

    Lovely photos. I’m pleased to hear that you are able to push back the surgery for when your husband can be with you, I agree you need him with you. I hope you get a date soon and you won’t be in limbo x

    • Louise
      Author
      September 8, 2017 / 1:28 pm

      Thanks Laura. We won’t get a date now for a few weeks but at least I can relax for a bit and know that we’ve got a little more time before it has to happen x

  6. August 31, 2017 / 8:33 pm

    Sending hugs xxx
    & yes you need your hubby there – & he needs you.

    • Louise
      Author
      September 8, 2017 / 1:29 pm

      Thank you Donna. We definitely need each other’s support. It looks like we will be waiting now until early November but at least that means hubby will be around x

  7. August 31, 2017 / 9:58 pm

    What lovely memories of a lovely summer and glad it was a good distraction from the strain of awaiting news about Jessica’s surgery. Wishing you strength and courage for what lies ahead and hope you’re not left on tenterhooks too long. The not knowing is often the worst part.

    • Louise
      Author
      September 8, 2017 / 1:30 pm

      Thank you Nic. Not knowing is hard – on the one hand, we at least now know that it won’t be for a few more weeks!

  8. September 2, 2017 / 10:04 am

    I feel every bit of your emotion in these words and while I honestly cannot understand how you will feel or manage, it’s good to know you will have your hubby to support you through the process as they’ve moved the surgery for you all. Being in limbo is hard isn’t it x #meandmineproject

    • Louise
      Author
      September 8, 2017 / 1:38 pm

      Thank you Sherry. Being in limbo is hard, but knowing that we are now still a few weeks away from the surgery has meant I can relax a little bit again x

  9. September 2, 2017 / 8:46 pm

    Such a stressful time for you, I cant imagine what planning and experiencing that will be like for you! But gorgeous photos for August nonetheless!

    • Louise
      Author
      September 8, 2017 / 1:41 pm

      Thank you Lauren. At least we now know that it won’t be in the next few weeks which makes it easier to enjoy this month.

  10. September 3, 2017 / 5:22 pm

    Such lovely photos – and it really does look like you’ve had a wonderful summer. The fear is completely understandable, but I hope that you don’t have to wait too long for a new date so that you’re no longer hanging in limbo.

    • Louise
      Author
      September 8, 2017 / 1:45 pm

      Thank you Caro. It was a lovely summer. We won’t get a new date for a few weeks now but at least we know that the surgery won’t happen in the next few weeks so we can relax and enjoy them a little more.

  11. September 6, 2017 / 12:11 pm

    Such great photos of you all. Looks like you’ve had a really fun summer with lots of great days out and made lots of lovely memories. Here’s hoping you get a new date for the surgery soon and everything goes well. Thinking of you all. x

    • Louise
      Author
      September 8, 2017 / 1:49 pm

      Thank you so much. It was such a lovely summer. We’ll have a few weeks now before getting a new date but at least we can relax a little knowing the surgery isn’t so imminent x

  12. September 6, 2017 / 4:24 pm

    It must have been so hard not knowing all summer but it looks like you had a good one and these are lovely family photos x

    • Louise
      Author
      September 8, 2017 / 1:51 pm

      It was hard being in limbo but so nice that we got to enjoy the whole of summer without the surgery taking place x

  13. September 10, 2017 / 2:30 pm

    Gorgeous photos and what a summer. Glad you got the whole summer together to make those amazing memories. That’s so important. I wish you all the luck on her surgery. I know the limbo and waiting game is tough and we do our best to keep our children alive through it all and happy. I can relate with all B health problems over the years the waiting game and the protective worry alone is so so hard as a parent. I hope she comes out of surgery with flying colors. Big hugs to you. #meandmineproject

    • Louise
      Author
      September 11, 2017 / 1:31 pm

      Thank you Jenny. It is a worry when our children have additional health problems. Trying to relax for now and enjoy the next month or so, knowing that surgery isn’t quite as imminent as we thought it would be x

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