I’ve been trying to stay strong and enjoy the summer holidays with my girls as much as possible but this week has seen cracks appearing in the façade. We had a phone call on Tuesday from Southampton with a proposed date for Jessica’s surgery. Unfortunately it happens to be right at the start of one of hubby’ busiest periods at work and so we need to try to postpone her surgery until work settles down again and so the wait continues.
Getting the phone call about a surgery date has unsettled me although to be fair the cracks were already appearing before the call. We’ve been potty training Sophie over the summer. It’s felt very much like we go three steps forward and then two back. I know that this is fairly normal. However, my head really hasn’t been in the right place to cope with the challenges. Little accidents have felt like huge set-backs. I know she will get there but at the moment, it often seems to be the one thing that breaks me and has me in floods of tears.
It’s not about the potty training though. The little thing that breaks me is not the thing that is constantly churning me up inside. It’s the constant fear of the journey to come; the worry about what lies ahead.
Most of the time everything is fine. In all honesty, we have had the most wonderful week on the whole. The last full week of the summer holidays has been almost perfect. We have had a bank holiday weekend full of glorious sunshine, enjoying time together as a family and exploring different places. The girls have had so much fun and it has been a joy to watch them. Were it not for everything that is bubbling beneath the surface, I think my word for the week would have probably been ‘idyllic’.
This time of year is always a bit of a challenge for me. The end of summer blues tend to hit me hard at the best of times and this year they’ve hit especially hard. I’ve so enjoyed spending time with my girls over the summer holidays, despite the challenges that the summer has brought. I am so thankful that we have had the whole summer to enjoy and that Jessica will be starting the new school year with her classmates. However, the end of the summer season is also a sharp reminder of how quickly time passes. I know that the time leading up to the surgery will go by too quickly too – no matter how much I want to freeze it, to hold on to these moments.
For now though, I’ll try to keep focused on enjoying those moments as much as I can. There are still a few days left of the summer to enjoy. And then once the girls are back, I think I need to make a little time for myself once again – to give myself space and acknowledge those fears and feelings that I’ve tried to suppress. Maybe then I’ll manage to regain a little headspace again and find a little more strength for the journey ahead.
Things I have loved this week:
- Spending a sunny afternoon at Upton House with my girls on the way up to spend the bank holiday weekend with hubby who was working in Birmingham.
- Sophie taking Jessica’s hand and helping her walk up a hill that was a bit too steep for me to manage with her in the buggy.
- A walk around Bagot’s Castle.
- Seeing how much the girls loved being able to help open lock gates and help a narrowboat on its way through Hatton Locks.
- Finding some of the Big Sleuth bears.
- Hunting for fairies at Trentham Gardens.
- Visiting Packwood House and Baddesley Clinton.
- Carrying a sleeping Sophie on my back in the toddler carrier with Jessica dozing in the buggy (and hubby then having a snooze on the bench – think I wore them all out with visiting two National Trust properties on the same day!)
- Nighttime snuggles with Jessica when she wakes in the night and makes her way to our bed to cuddle up and sleep next to us.
- A lovely afternoon having a playdate with one of Sophie’s friends from her French class.
- Jessica gaining weight at her paediatrician check-up.
I can’t begin to imagine the worry and turmoil you are feeling at the moment, you have amazing strength. The girls look like they have had a fabulous time exploring this week. I hope you have a lovely weekend and back to school goes smoothly x
Thank you Angela. I have been a little more relaxed this week, knowing that surgery is not on the cards for a few weeks now at least x
It does sound like an idyllic week in so many ways, and you were visiting so many of our favourite local places, too. But the pressure and worries that you’re carrying are always going to be there simmering underneath so it’s no wonder cracks would show. You wanted to make memories and give the girls a great summer, and you’ve done that, though like you, I always hate the end of summer. I’m sure Sophie will get there when she’s ready and I hope Jessica enjoys her return to school whilst you wait on that new date x Thanks for sharing with #WotW
Thank you Jocelyn. The girls certainly had a wonderful summer and I am so glad that we were able to have that x
I didn’t know you were in my neck of the woods this week. It looks like you had a good time. I’m sorry you’re having to re-arrange Jessica’s op after waiting so long, I can see how that has disrupted you. Potty training is my least favourite thing about having a child! I’m sure she’ll crack it soon and you will be nappy free forever 🙂 xx
#wotw
Thanks Anne. I’ve relaxed a little this week knowing that the op now won’t be for a few weeks. Thankfully potty training has been better over the last couple of days. We will get there! x
Louise,
I’m sure we all agree that you’re doing a truly remarkable job.
It’s good to hear that Jessica has managed to gain some weight, and she now has time to gain a little more.
The girls are growing up, but they still look tiny next to their father. Don’t we all benefit from an occasional daytime nap?
Thank you so much. This week has been a better one and it is nice to know we have a little more time before the surgery happens.
Sending love and hugs! Thinking of you! It is so hard waiting for an appointment.
It looks like you have had a wonderful week. I hope it has helped take your mind of things.
#WotW
Thank you Kim. I’m trying to relax and enjoy the next few weeks now, knowing that surgery is a little way off again x
I can only imagine how to go on when you have something inside thats bothering you =(
#wotw
Thank you Merlinda. It has been very hard at times. Thankfully this week has been an easier one.
Ah Louise sending you all so much love, my heart aches for you. Postponing must have been such a tough decision.And of course you will feel like this, who wouldn’t? I have so many happy memories of our two opening and closing lochs they loved it when they were little x
Thank you Sarah. Postponing the surgery is hard but on the plus side at least we know we have a few weeks to enjoy without having to worry about the surgery happening during them x
Oh lovely, we keep meaning to visit Trentham, we went to monkey forest last week and Trentham is next on our list. I’m sorry you’re having a difficult time but you are an amazing mummy and you’re doing so well to hold it together with everything that’s going on. I do hope you enjoyed the last few days of the holidays and that back to school goes well for you all.
Nat.x
Thank you so much Nat. This week has been a better one – knowing that the surgery is now at least a few weeks away has helped me to relax a little again x