Family moments have been few and far between this month. It’s been a busy one work-wise for hubby with him either being away working on events or working long hours nearer home preparing for them. I’m used to this of course, although it is different now. Different and yet so very familiar. I am back to juggling two children on my own. I’ve done this before – trying to juggle the needs of a baby and an older child. How strange it is to be back in this position – strange and heartbreaking too. It’s all wrong to only be juggling the needs of two children when it should be three.
September has been an emotional month. Two big milestones at the start of the month – Jessica’s 7th birthday and Sophie starting school. Both of these came on the same day. We’d arranged with school for Sophie to come in a little later in the morning – that way we didn’t have to run the gauntlet of other parents while trying to hold it together for Sophie. It was an emotional drop-off though with our baby girl desperately missing her big sister who should have been there with her. After school, we took Jessica’s birthday cake (her favourite doll Kerry, recreated in cake form) and had a little birthday picnic next to her forever bed. Our family photos this month are from that afternoon. It was a tough day but we got through as best we could.
The change in seasons is another reminder of the passing of time. It has been five and a half months now since Jessica died. Each day taking us further away from our life with her. The longing for her does not ease. We miss her every bit as much now as we did back in April. We are learning to live life without her, but that ache for her is always there and I think it always will be.
Hi Louise, what a difficult day that must have been for you. Starting school is a big thing and so are birthdays. Your photo is quite heartbreaking, but I hope you managed to smile as you remembered the little girl Jessica was, quirks and all.
xx
Thank you Debbie. It was a tough day but there were smiles too – we have so many beautiful memories of Jessica and she really would have loved that cake x
Oh hunny what a difficult day for you all but so amazing to celebrate her in such a beautiful way and share beautiful memories. Should would have loved this. Look at little baba all snuggled up here so cute.
Thank you Jenny. She would have loved her cake. Thomas was very snuggly that day x
What a rollercoaster month! I realise now, as I am sure you do too, that all of our sadnesses and joys are intertwined with one another. Life used to have sad times/hard times and then good times, not the good and happy times are always twinged with sadness, missing and wishing! Its hard to adjust to that. I hope October is gentle and you continue to do well despite your aching hearts. xx
Thank you Mary. Those emotions are certainly much more jumbled these days. I still feel happiness, just not unclouded happiness. As you say, there is always that twinge of sadness. Hope October is also a gentle month for you x
Oh Louise what a tough day that was for you. I love how you celebrated her birthday, what a lovely moment. I hope Sophie is settling into school life now x
Thank you Laura. She is really enjoying school x
Having those big milestones like Sophie starting school must make not having Jessica so stark, especially having her birthday on the same day. I loved her cake, such a sweet idea, and I’m sure she’d love it.
Thank you Katy. Those milestones do hit hard. She would have loved that cake x
I can’t imagine how hard it must be for you. It sounds like you got through Sophie’s first day and Jessica’s birthday in the best way you could. I hope Sophie is enjoying school x #MeandMine
Thank you Sarah, she loves it x