Family moments have been few and far between this month. It’s been a busy one work-wise for hubby with him either being away working on events or working long hours nearer home preparing for them. I’m used to this of course, although it is different now. Different and yet so very familiar. I am back to juggling two children on my own. I’ve done this before – trying to juggle the needs of a baby and an older child. How strange it is to be back in this position – strange and heartbreaking too. It’s all wrong to only be juggling the needs of two children when it should be three.
September has been an emotional month. Two big milestones at the start of the month – Jessica’s 7th birthday and Sophie starting school. Both of these came on the same day. We’d arranged with school for Sophie to come in a little later in the morning – that way we didn’t have to run the gauntlet of other parents while trying to hold it together for Sophie. It was an emotional drop-off though with our baby girl desperately missing her big sister who should have been there with her. After school, we took Jessica’s birthday cake (her favourite doll Kerry, recreated in cake form) and had a little birthday picnic next to her forever bed. Our family photos this month are from that afternoon. It was a tough day but we got through as best we could.
The change in seasons is another reminder of the passing of time. It has been five and a half months now since Jessica died. Each day taking us further away from our life with her. The longing for her does not ease. We miss her every bit as much now as we did back in April. We are learning to live life without her, but that ache for her is always there and I think it always will be.