Just as parenting has its milestone moments, so does our journey with grief in our life after child loss, and today is another one of those horrible milestones. Today we have lived this life after Jessica for as long as we were blessed to have her in our life. 6 years, 7 months and 8 days.
There have been a lot of milestones on this grief journey – all the first experiences without Jessica; the first anniversary; the moment when Sophie overtook her in age; the moment when Sophie’s sibling life with Thomas became longer than the time she had with Jessica; and the moments when both her siblings moved ahead of her at school. They never get any easier. Every one of them is a reminder of how time moves on relentlessly, taking us further and further away from our life with Jessica. A reminder of how many moments of our family life Jessica has missed out on. A reminder of how very much she is missed.
I’ll always be grateful that we had those six and a half wonderful years with Jessica and I’ll always wish that it could have been so much longer. I’ll always wish that I could have had the experience of seeing my three children together and to know what Jessica would be like now. But those are wishes that can’t ever come true and that breaks my heart. And the milestone moments come and go, and we keep moving forward, carrying Jessica with us as best we can, and finding moments of joy as we remember our beautiful girl who gave so much joy in her life. She is always loved, always remembered, always missed.
What I’ve been grateful for this week:
- Day 320 – I am grateful for the perfect T-shirt for Thomas for number day at school. One very happy little boy going off to school today.
- Day 321 – I am grateful for a great dance day for both Sophie and Thomas. Thomas was awarded the dancer of the week trophy for good listening and following instructions in ballet today and Sophie has had a successful time at Bright Star Dance Festival coming away with three medals, including a 1st place for musical theatre duet.
- Day 322 – I am grateful for a Sunday service where I didn’t have to do much other than just sit and colour in a picture.
- Day 323 – I am grateful for some time to sit and play the piano.
- Day 324 – I am grateful for the excitement of seeing snow falling outside.
- Day 325 – I am grateful for a little demonstration of what Thomas is learning in music club.
- Day 326 – I am grateful that Mole’s boots are being put to good use replacing my old walking boots.
Other things that have made me smile this week:
- Having my first organ lesson.
- Sophie getting to have puppy cuddles after Girls’ Brigade.
- Popping in to visit my mum during a long break between dances at Sophie’s dance festival.
- Getting started on the Christmas shopping.
- Doing a bit of decluttering around the house.
- Sophie’s team winning 2-0 in their latest football match.
Joining in with Raisie Bay for Word of the Week.
I can’t begin to imagine how hard it is moving on without Jessica, thinking of you all on this sad milestone.
You have had some lovely reason to smile this week, I love Thomas’s number t-shirt very fitting for numbers day. Well done to Sophie & Thomas on their medals and awards.
Thank you Angela x
Jessica is still so fondly remembered, that smile! You keep her in our thoughts Louise. X
Thank you Paul. It means a lot to know Jessica is still remembered x
We will always remember Jessica and keep her in our hearts. Sending much love on this really difficult milestone x
Thank you Anne x
Wow, you’d never think so much time has gone by without Jessica. Other than those sad milestones, it seems like it’s been a good week. Well done both Thomas and Sophie for their awards.
Thank you. There were lots of reasons to smile as well as the sadness of that milestone.
Oh gosh! What an awful milestone! Sending love and hugs. She will always be remembered, she was such a special girl.
It sounds like a nice week with lots of lovely moments. x
Thank you Kim x
Well done Sophie on coming 1st for the Musical Theatre duet. Sending hugs, it must be so difficult but I know Jessica lives on in all of you. Looks like you had a fun week over all
Thank you Kara x
Oh Louise, my heart breaks for you when I read how time takes you further away from the time you had with Jessica. One just doesn’t realise how many firsts there are going to be and when they are going to hit you. Sending you lots of hugs x
Well done. to both Sophie and Thomas with the dancing. Love the picture of Sophie with her dance partner.
Thank you. Milestones like this are so hard. People say time heals but while you do learn to carry grief, moments like this are still difficult.