There are moments when I just look at my children and realise how quickly they grow and change. Looking at this month’s photos was one of those moments. Sophie looks so much more grown-up. She’s settled into her role as a big sister, embraced the changes that come with being at school and is no longer my baby-faced preschooler.
Thomas too has changed. He seems to be so big all of a sudden. When I put him in the sling, I realise how long he has got – and how much heavier! The stretchy wrap is not quite as comfortable for long periods as it once was; the Moses basket is almost outgrown. This little man of mine has become so alert, so aware of things going on around him.
Moments like this make my heart ache. Not just because my babies are growing up more quickly that I would like, but also because of the constant reminder that for one of my babies, time forever stands still. What would Jessica be like now? How would she interact with her siblings? What would Sophie have been like had she never had to adjust to the loss of her big sister?
Sophie is no longer the little girl she was when Jessica was her constant playmate. She has learned to be more content in her own company. It makes me sad to see her playing by herself. She seems happy enough but there should be two little girls there, playing together. It’s when Sophie is with her friends or her cousins that I really sense that longing for a constant playmate. Being with other children gives her so much joy and she never wants to have to say goodbye to them and go home. Home is so much quieter than it should be – at home there is no playmate anymore.
I’m thankful that she does have another sibling to love though even if Thomas is too little as yet to that playmate that Sophie longs for. She is lovely with him though – always giving him cuddles and kisses and chatting away to him. She clearly adores her baby brother and judging from the beautiful big smiles Thomas gives her, I think the feeling is mutual!
Thomas (0 years 16 weeks)
- Is such a smiley boy and has become very chatty! Those little coos are just adorable.
- Had his second set of immunisations.
- Was christened at our church wearing his grandad’s christening gown and his daddy’s christening shawl.
- Is starting to discover his hands! He likes to chomp on them and is starting to pull at things. It surprises him sometimes when the toys on his playmat move when he waves his hands around and hits them!
- Is now managing to stay awake throughout Tiny Talk baby signing classes and loves Mummy singing and signing to him. He looked adorable dressed in Jessica’s old octopus costume for the Halloween class.
Sophie (5 years 0 months)
- Loved catching up with cousins over half term.
- Had a lovely birthday and is already planning her party and cake for next year!
- Received a glowing report at parents’ evening. She is top set for maths and phonics and popular with her classmates but, most importantly, she is caring and kind. Well done Sophie!
- Is enjoying taking books home and reading them with Mummy and Daddy.
- Took part in her first Remembrance Sunday parade with Girls’ Brigade.
Jessica (forever 6 years 7 months)
- Has been visiting my dreams a little more often recently which is lovely. I had a beautiful dream where Jessica was sitting on a hospital bed. I said to her, “I wish you were really here Jessica.” She smiled, looked confused and replied, “but I am Mummy.” It really felt like she was trying to remind me that she is still here with me.
- Jessica’s friends and Sophie have been helping make mosaic butterflies at school which will be part of Jessica’s memorial.
- We visited the woodcarving studio to discuss the design for Jessica’s memorial at her forever bed.