I used to love watching my girls together at school drop-off and pick-up times. I loved the way that they would give each other a big cuddle and a kiss as they said goodbye to each other in the morning and their joy at being reunited at pick-up time. The way they would walk together hand-in-hand, chatting away to each other. The little moments when the love they had for each other was so clear.
School drop-off and pick-up time still has those beautiful moments, although now they are with Sophie and Thomas. Sophie always has to give her brother a big cuddle (sometimes almost pulling me over as he’s always in the sling!) and kiss before she heads in to school in the morning. At pick-up time, there’s that delight once more to be reunited. Thomas’s eyes light up when he sees his sister and he gives her the biggest smiles.
I often wonder how it would have been with the three of them; what those different sibling bonds would have been like. I have beautiful memories of the bond between Jessica and Sophie; I see that beautiful bond between Sophie and Thomas each day. What would the bond between Jessica and Thomas have been like? What would it have been like with all three of them together – their bond as a trio?
I know that Jessica would have been incredibly loving with her baby brother. I think she would have enjoyed helping Mummy look after him. She would have probably been a little gentler than Sophie, who has always been a little whirlwind and occasionally has to be reminded that Thomas is not a dolly! What would the two of them have been like together with him? I wonder if there would have been little competitive moments when trying to engage his attention, and no doubt there would have been times when they would have worked together to entertain him.
It’s eleven months today since Jessica died. A year since the last Siblings post I shared with both of them still here; when I was looking forward to the future and wondering what it would be like with three. A year on and I am still wondering. I will always wonder what it would have been like – this little trio of mine. My little trio – always three, yet never knowing life as the trio they should have been.
Thomas (0 years 7 months)
- Is starting to realise that he can keep going now when rolling over.
- Tried out the baby swing in the garden for the first time although wasn’t very sure about it!
- Has hit the separation anxiety stage and likes Mummy to be in view at all times – preferably holding him, or even better feeding him!
- Has started grabbing Mummy’s face and giving big open-mouthed sloppy baby kisses which is just adorable. So far the kisses seem reserved for Mummy only though!
- Has his first tooth – the front left tooth at the bottom is through and the right one isn’t too far behind!
Sophie (5 years 4 months)
- Enjoyed spending time with cousins on both sides of the family over half-term.
- Has moved up another reading level at school and is now on yellow books.
- Had a one-to-one session with a bereavement support worker and enjoyed making some paper dolls of everyone in our family (including Jessica). She loved them so much that she wanted to take them to school the next day to show everyone. They have now been added to her memory box with other things that remind her of Jessica.
- Had a lovely play date with Jessica’s two best friends. I am so glad that this friendship still endures even though Jessica is no longer with us.
- Had a glowing report at parents’ evening. It is lovely to hear that she is doing well, is happy, helpful and sociable and is clearly enjoying school.
Jessica (forever 6 years 7 months)
- Jessica used to love to sit and draw at the desk when I went to the chiropractor. At my last appointment, the chiropractor noticed the drawing that Jessica did on the back of my notes and took a photocopy for me. It is so lovely to have a “new” drawing of Jessica’s.
- Jessica’s school have officially opened their memorial to her. Her photo is on the wall with some mosaic butterflies which her friends and Sophie helped to make. There is also an outdoor arts space dedicated to her. It was lovely to share memories of Jessica with her friends at the opening. We all wrote down our memories of Jessica on ribbons and tied them to a big pink butterfly which hangs on the shed wall next to the arts area.