I used to love putting my girls in matching dresses. They always seemed happy with it and I loved how it highlighted the fact that they were a pair – that they belonged together. It was one of the many things I really missed when Jessica died. Buying an outfit for just one child instead of two. So when I spotted a T-shirt and shorts that would work well for both Sophie and Thomas and were available in both their sizes, I couldn’t resist. So happy to be able to have my children in matching outfits once again.
Sophie, however, loves her dresses. She liked the T-shirt and shorts but it took a little persuasion for her to wear them and match with her little brother. And I realised then that I was trying to recreate something that I’ve lost forever. That this little pair of siblings is a very different pair to my two girls. The age gap, the fact that they are different genders, that Sophie is now the big one with a determined streak and of course she doesn’t really want to dress the same as a baby even if the outfit is still age-appropriate for her. This is a different sibling relationship and no matter how much I want to recreate that bond that she had with Jessica, I can’t give her back what she’s lost; what we’ve all lost. She adores Thomas; he adores her – but they have their own bond that is new and unique and special. But oh, how I miss the bond Sophie had with Jessica and mourn for the bond that Jessica and Thomas should have shared.
Thomas (0 years 10 months)
- Had his first trip to A&E with a pulled elbow.
- Can now crawl backwards and is doing his best to try and work out how to go forwards too even if he isn’t quite there yet!
- Is now able to sit himself up. Is it wrong that I’m a little sad he didn’t go for his biggest sister’s unique way of sitting up?
- Is getting increasingly chatty and we get “ga ga” sounds, “yeah, yeah” and the odd “mmmm mum” which makes me happy.
- Loved going in the paddling pool for the first time.
- Is not sleeping well at all at the moment due to teething. I can see four more teeth showing through the gums at the top. Hurry up and come through, teeth!
Sophie (5 years 7 months)
- Received her platinum Reading Raccoon certificate at school for reading 150 books.
- Dressed up as “SuperSister” for superheroes day at school because Jessica was her hero.
- Took part in her first sponsored walk in aid of Halo Children’s Foundation.
- Is enjoying starting to learn the piano.
- Has been enjoying updating her nature journal each day with our #30DaysWild activities.
- Has been busy rehearsing for her Girls’ Brigade display later this month and her ballet show next month.
Jessica (forever 6 years 7 months)
- Dropping off to sleep one night recently, I felt a little hand slip into mine. I opened my eyes thinking that it was Sophie coming into my bed but there was no-one there. I could still feel that little hand in mine. I like to think it was Jessica.
- We had a little robin hop over to say hello while I was sharing a memory of Jessica on a recent day out at Hughenden Manor. Later as I was sharing another memory, I turned and saw a white feather in the bush behind me. Little signs that suggest Jessica is still here give me so much comfort.