I’m very late with my monthly ‘Me and Mine’ post for March. The last couple of weeks have been a bit hectic with juggling work, preparations for Easter at church and then having a week full of activities with Sophie and Thomas off for the Easter holidays.
Sometimes I manage to be organised and take a family photo when we’re out and about doing things and other times it’s a last minute rush and a quick snap of us sitting on the sofa together or standing out in the garden. March was definitely one of those months where it ended up being a quick family snap.
March was a month of bugs and being unwell on and off, with both Sophie and Thomas having periods off-school and generally being under the weather. I get much more anxious these days when the children are unwell, and especially so at this time of year when it brings back a lot of memories of Jessica being unwell on and off throughout those last weeks of her life. I remember thinking back then that hopefully the Easter holidays would be the break Jessica needed to get well again and when a similar thought popped through my head this year with Sophie, it made me quite panicky. Thankfully both Sophie and Thomas do now seem to be back to their usual happy selves, much to my relief.
Jessica is always very much in our thoughts and at this time of year, it is especially important to be able to give her our focused attention. I’ve learned over the last five years that grief needs its own space and when I frame that focused space for grief as being a way of giving Jessica my undivided attention, it does help make it a little more bearable as I feel like I’m honouring Jessica and giving her special time. We had an evening of sharing Jessica’s story for Action Medical Research recently and it was good to be able to have that time dedicated to talking about Jessica and about the wonderful joyous little girl she was.
March was quite an intense month overall with various things going on through school, juggling work and activities, and making the most of family moments at the weekend or in the evenings. We’ve made some happy memories and enjoyed lots of ordinary little moments together – even if there have been times when those moments have had to be grabbed quickly in amongst other things going on.
April as always will be a tough month with the five-year anniversary of Jessica’s death coming up and the incredibly painful memories of those final days. We’ll mark the day as we have done for the last few years by focusing on the joy that Jessica gave and giving joy to others in her memory. There will be a lot of tears but there will also be smiles too as we remember our beautiful big girl and continue to carry her in our hearts, travelling through the highs and lows of life as a forever incomplete family as best we can together.