Friday Focus 14/04/2023 – Love

It’s five years today since Jessica died and in honour of my beautiful big girl, I’ve chosen love as my word of the week. Jessica might have only had half a working heart but it was a heart that absolutely overflowed with love and I will always feel hugely blessed to be her mummy and to have had the joy of loving Jessica and being loved in return. Grief has been heavy this week in the days leading up to this anniversary, but I know that the heaviness of that grief also reflects the depth of my love for Jessica, and that the love we have for her and that she had for us is something that death can never take away. She’s with us in our hearts and in all the beautiful memories we have.


The word 'luve' in Jessica's handwriting with her doodles of me, my husband, Jessica, Sophie and Thomas

This week I’ve used Jessica’s handwriting to illustrate my word of the week along with some drawings that she did of our family. I love that even though she never got to meet Thomas, he’s included in her drawing of our family – baby ‘Peanut’, as she would have known him. I’ve been looking back over some of Jessica’s drawings. She liked to copy some of the things from my sketchbook (which included some of my words for my weekly blog posts) and included some of her own words. I think the top one might be ‘school’, and then we have ‘mummy’ (who seems to be burning something in the kitchen!) and ‘weather’.


Jessica's 'word of the week' doodles - 'sol' (school), 'mummy' and 'wethre' (weather)


Today we’ll be sharing some of the joy that Jessica gave by doing things to make people smile and #givejoyforJessica in her memory.


Jessica sitting on the sofa drawing in her drawing book


It has been a tough week with the painful memories of those last few days with Jessica but there have been reasons to smile too. We had a weekend of fun activities that we knew Sophie and Thomas would love and of course there’s been plenty of chocolate from all the Easter eggs too! Sophie’s had a very busy week with it being show week for Chitty Chitty Bang Bang and having technical and dress rehearsals in the theatre, plus she’s also been competing in a dance festival as well. The sections for her dances have fitted in quite well around rehearsals so she’s managed to do both. Today she has the final dress rehearsal before the first performance this evening. She’s very excited about doing the show and I can’t wait to see her in it. I know Jessica would have been very proud of her too.



What I’ve been grateful for this week:


The crucifixion scene from the Walk of Witness Passion play; Sophie and Thomas with the Easter bunny; Thomas holding a fish; a pink tulip in my garden; Sophie and Thomas snuggled up on the sofa with Daddy; Sophie in her orange tap costume at the dance festival; Jessica's drawing book with her version of the words to 'Get Back Up Again' and a doodle of Poppy from Trolls - "#365daysofgratitude 2023 - Week 15"


  • Day 97 – I am grateful for everyone who helped make today’s Good Friday Passion play happen.


  • Day 98 – I am grateful for a ride on the Easter Eggspress at Ruislip Lido to see the Easter bunny.


  • Day 99 – I am grateful for an Easter Sunday filled with love, moments of joy and time together as a family. We had our Easter egg hunt at church today between services and then an afternoon out at Northala Fields enjoying the sunshine and trying out fishing for the first time.


  • Day 100 – I am grateful for a quiet day at home.


  • Day 101 – I am grateful for Daddy taking over bedtime this evening.


  • Day 102 – I am grateful that Sophie coped well with a busy day of dance festival in the morning followed by an afternoon and evening of rehearsals in the theatre.


  • Day 103 – I am grateful for some time looking through Jessica’s notebooks. She loved writing out stories and drawing. This is one I hadn’t remembered seeing before – writing out the lyrics to “Get Back Up Again” from Trolls.



Other things that have made me smile this week:

  • Going to see Sister Act with Sophie.


Me and Sophie at the theatre about to see 'Sister Act'


  • Doing the planets trail at Ruislip Lido.


Thomas looking at an information board about Mars at Ruislip Lido


  • A trip to the funfair. Sophie was very happy that she’s now big enough to go on some of the faster rides now.


Daddy with Thomas on his shoulders standing in front of the 'Air Swing' ride at the fair



  • A surprise package with this lovely little rainbow badge reminding me that the storms of grief will ease up. Thank you so much to whoever sent it.


A pin badge in the shape of a rainbow with a dark cloud on one side saying 'storms don't' and a white cloud on the other saying 'last forever'


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18 thoughts on “Friday Focus 14/04/2023 – Love

  1. Sending massive hugs and love to your family. The pictures drawn by Jessica are just beautiful and the picture including Thomas is just so sweet.
    I can’t imagine how you are feeling but I am glad you have found some reasons to smile. x

    1. Thank you Kim. It’s an emotional time of year but we got through and always helps to find reasons to smile x

  2. Such a difficult time, you are amazing for celebrating the love and joy of Jessica. She would most certainly be proud of Sophie. I love her drawings. x

    1. Thank you Anne. Jessica gave so much joy in her life, it feels right to honour her by focusing on that joy x

  3. I am fond of Jessica and I love these pictures. Great post Louise. My mom tells me I should have another kid but I am extremely hesitant and weary of this. I feel a great connection to all HLHS children and people. Sending you much love!

    1. Thank you Kyram. I can imagine it would be a difficult decision to decide whether to have another kid and I wish you all the best with deciding what is the right decision for you. Sending much love to you too x

  4. I showed Jessica to my fam and everyone said she is so beautiful and sweet. We will one day be with our angels, no doubt. Jessica is amazing. She continues to be amazing. She is perfect. We are left behind only temporarily, I truly believe! with all my heart!

    1. Thank you. I believe we will both be reunited with Jessica and Mirabelle too and it does help to hold on to that x

  5. What a lovely rainbow gift. Sounds like it was a busy week with lots of emotions. Nice to see the theatre and dance playing its part.

  6. Sending lots of love to you all. I love the badge, what a thoughtful gesture. How lovely that Sophie is going to be in Chitty Chitty Bang Bang – my fave!!

    1. Thank you Kara – Sophie loved doing Chitty Chitty Bang Bang – it was such a great show.

  7. Lovely photo of Jessica and the her drawing and writing is a lovely keepsake for you to have. What a lovely thoughtful gift the rainbow badge was. I love Chitty Chitty Bang Bang

    1. Thank you. She loved filling notebooks with drawings and writing and I’m so thankful we kept them.

  8. Jessica left such a special legacy for her family and friends as well as the wider community. How lovely that you chose to share her precious drawings with us. #project365

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