A sunny afternoon, watching my girls having fun together. Listening to the squeals of delight, the giggles as they chase each other round and round. Watching the way they wander off hand in hand together. And I stop and think – this is my perfect moment. This is what matters most; this is what really makes my life worth living. This is when I am at my happiest.
I want to freeze this moment and hold it, to be here forever in this time when my girls are small and so full of joy and wonder, so loving, so innocent. This moment where the days are ours for the taking; where we can just decide to head off somewhere for the day; this time when these two precious girls are still just mine. A time when we’re not yet subject to school terms and timetables, where we are free to explore and roam, to live in the moment and enjoy it to its fullest.
This day where Jessica is well and happy, full of life and full of beans. Where I can pretend for a moment that there is no shadow on our horizon, that life will continue this way and that she is safe near me where she belongs. Â Safe in this moment where my family feels so complete, so wonderful, so perfect.
We got our place at the local infant school. I am glad that we got our first choice whilst wishing that time will go by as slowly as possible over the coming days and weeks and months. I am not looking forward to the day when half of my little girl’s waking hours will be spent away from me. And yet I also know how lucky I have been to have had so much time with her, how lucky I am to have the opportunity to be home with her and how lucky I am that her time with me is maximised thanks to her early September birthday. These things I am thankful for.
It’s not just the approach of school that casts a shadow over my horizon though – a bigger shadow potentially looms in front of it. We now have a date for Jessica’s cardiac catheter – the first step on the path to her next major heart surgery. A surgery which may well take place before Jessica starts school. Another reason for wanting to stop time right now, to freeze this moment and hold it as tightly as I can. The fear, the uncertainty, the knowledge of the rollercoaster that awaits – all these things threaten the fragile beauty of this perfect, wonderful moment.
And yet, what can I do? Time is relentless, it marches on regardless of what I say, or wish, or do. Those baby days that seemed so long at times when viewed through the fog of sleep deprivation now seem to have passed in a flash. One moment I had a tiny baby in my arms. I blinked and she became a toddler, then a pre-schooler, and now a schoolgirl is peeking around the corner. Where did that tiny baby go?
One thing I know – these carefree days are ones that I must treasure, and enjoy as fully as I can. And while I do not know what tomorrow will bring, one thing is sure: I will not let the fear of it rob today of its joys.
What a beautiful post. Those moments with two small children really are precious and you’re right to treasure them. They must feel even more special, knowing you have Jessica’s next surgery looming on the horizon.
Enjoy these special days. I’m sure there will be many more to come in the future, even when Jessica is at school there will still be plenty of time for fun. x
Thank you Sarah – hopefully we will have plenty more fun to come and I’m certainly making the most of the time now while we still have the freedom to be spontaneous x
Wouldn’t it be fab to sprinkle magic dust on them and let them stay little forever. I just know these months between now and September are going to race by!! But like you I have been lucky to be at home with Alice and soak up all this time with her x
Oh yes, that would be lovely! It is lovely to have that chance to be at home though isn’t it and glad that you are making the most of it with Alice 🙂
Such a lovely post hon and I think many of us feel the same.. But for you it is all the more poignant because of the surgery that lies ahead. Enjoy these days in the meantime lovely and I sincerely hope that all goes well when the time comes xxx
Thank you so much Caroline – the surgery is certainly a very big barrier ahead but I’m trying not to think too much about it and just make the most of the time we have together now x
Such a beautiful post Louise – we need to treasure these moments, life races by so quickly! You have two such beautiful girls, I love all your photos of them together. #bloggerclubuk
Thank you so much Katy – life certainly does race by too quickly but I’m trying to live in the moment and enjoy it while it lasts 🙂
No wonder you want to freeze this moment in time, the freedom, the girls playing happily together, the ‘before’ surgery, before school kind of time. Sending you lots of love x
Thank you Mel – it’s such a wonderful time while they’re still small and I’ve enjoyed having them both home with me so much x
Your little girls are sooooo gorgeous together!! There’s so many moments with my two that I could freeze forever, I never want them to grow up! #BloggerClubUK
Thank you Jess – wouldn’t it be nice just to be able to press pause sometimes! 🙂
Beautiful post, this was me and my girls were like this and like you I cherished every single moment. My eldest is a September baby and I too felt so lucky to get that extra time with her. Enjoy!! x
Thank you Natalie – so glad that you enjoyed being able to have that extra year with your eldest too 🙂
Beautiful photos and I love those dresses! I know what you mean – I think this often! #coolmumclub
Thank you – I love those dresses too 🙂
Such a beautiful post. You are right we really need to treasure every moment with our little ones. I can understand why it must seem so poignant for you with the surgery looming and the start of school. Big hugs xx #coolmumclub
Thank you Emma – I’ll certainly be making the most of that time before all these things happen! x
Aww this is such a lovely post Louise, it’s so hard isn’t it – I feel like time is going too fast right now, and milestones make me feel so happy, so proud and a little bit sad too. I hope you get lots of lovely magical days over the spring and the summer – and I am happy to hear Jessica got a place at your school of choice =)
Thanks Jenni – I have mixed feelings like that about all of the milestones too – they are lovely but bittersweet because of the awareness that these little ones are growing up all too quickly x
This is such a lovely post. I love it when these moments happen, when everything comes together in its own way. It is a shame that time gets in the way and blows it all away thereafter…thanks for linking up to #coolmumclub lovely x
Thank you Talya – time getting in the way is a very good way of putting it. Lovely to link up again and thank you for hosting.
This is so beautiful and moving. It must be so hard to try and live in the moment when you are worried about what’s on the horizon, but as you say, time marches on doesn’t it and we all should try to take every day as a precious gift. Thank you for sharing your post, it was very touching to read. xx
#coolmumclub
Thank you – it is hard to live in the moment sometimes but it does make me more thankful for what each day brings too.
Such a beautiful post, full of precious little moments. This is what it’s all about , no matter what lies ahead. They both look gorgeous in those dresses too xx
Thank you Cal – those little moments are definitely what it’s all about x
Louise you are such a wonderful Mummy to those girls. It must be a hard thought knowing Jessica will be away from you at school, but how miraculous and amazing that she has the chance to experience what every other four year old will. She will love it, and you will love seeing her flourish…keep going. Your family are so inspiring, and we all love you for it!
x Sarah
Thanks for linking up to #coolmumclub
Aww, thank you so much Sarah for that lovely comment. It is good to be reminded of how amazing it is that we are here with Jessica being about to start school and that we are able to enjoy that normal family life even though I know I will miss her when she goes to school x
What a gorgeous post Louise. I felt quite emotional reading that! My baby seems to be growing so quickly and I am trying to hold on to all these moments and cuddle him close while he lets me. Your girls are just beautiful, I love that they get on so well! #coolmumclub
Thank you Ellen – these little ones do grow up too quickly! Those cuddles are just so precious though aren’t they? 🙂
What a brilliant post, and one that all mamas will relate to. The poignancy of your daughter’s illness just adds weight to how precious that moment is but remember that there will be many, many more precious moments like this! Time does indeed march on but rather than viewing it as a relentless wave that takes things away, it can be viewed as the tide coming in, bringing new treasures to find.
I hope the surgery goes well #coolmumclub
Thank you so much and I like that way of viewing time – a much more positive way to look at it.
This is beautiful Louise. I can imagine you do want to freeze time but I think it’s lovely how much you notice and appreciate these special moments. The relationship between your two girls looks wonderful. What lovely pictures…such happiness I nearly cried (if you see what I mean) xx
Thank you Lucy – I do try and appreciate those little moments and I love seeing that wonderful bond between my two girls too 🙂
A beautiful, touching blog. It made me tearful. Beautiful girls. Enjoy every moment and I really hope everything goes well with Jessica x
Thank you so much Rebecca – I keep reminding myself that she’ll be in good hands! x
You are right to enjoy each day as it comes. The time does go by so quickly. I remember when my oldest was born – the thought of starting school seemed like a life time away! And it came around so quickly. It’s not easy letting them go but at the same time seeing them grow & develop is really lovely. Thanks so much for joining us at #bloggerclubuk x
Thank you Becky – the time really has flown by and I can’t believe that we’re on the cusp of school and big changes already! Lovely to link up to #bloggerclubuk – thank you for hosting x
Great post Louise – such precious moments – I know exactly what you mean about wanting to freeze time and relive that moment whenever you choose. But it is all the more poignant with Jessica’s upcoming surgery. Wishing you all the best with it!! Lots of love #bloggerclubuk
Thank you so much Elizabeth – the thought of the surgery is definitely encouraging me to enjoy those moments while I can.