Little Hearts, Big Love - Finding gratitude amongst the grief of life without our heart angel
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Tag Archives: musings

Twenty years of us

13/10/202013/10/2020
(l) Me and my husband when we first got together; (r) me and my husband at my sister's wedding last month

It’s twenty years today since I headed out of my student house to go to karaoke night in the union bar, turning around to my housemate as I left with the words “It’s great being single. I’m going to stay single for a long time!” Famous last words. Five hours later, I returned with a… Read More

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Back to school, back to reality

03/09/202003/09/2020
Sophie in a white school polo top and a grey pinafore dress

After more than five months of having Sophie at home, going back to school has been a bit of a shock to the system. It feels very quiet in the house without Sophie home during the day. Thomas is missing having his big sister around to play with him.     The night before school… Read More

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Grief and end-of-summer sadness

27/08/202027/08/2020
Sophie and Jessica looking down at the mirror pool at Upton House

The evenings are drawing in and summer is drawing to a close. As the days get shorter, the end-of-summer sadness descends. Autumn is nearly upon us. I know a lot of people love autumn. For me though, autumn is never welcomed. Autumn is thrust upon me no matter how much I’d love to hold it… Read More

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Grief and life after Jessica: as if she never existed

11/08/202010/08/2020
Jessica wearing a fairy costume in the woods, facing away from the camera

One of the hardest things about living life without Jessica, is the merciless passing of time that takes us further and further away from our life with Jessica. Early on in this grief journey, I wrote that “time doesn’t heal, it hurts” and two years on from that, I still stand by that statement. Time… Read More

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Grief and life after Jessica: Overtaking

04/06/202003/06/2020
Sophie and Jessica walking in front of me, hand-in-hand with Sophie a little ahead of Jessica

Today Sophie is 6 years, 7 months and 8 days old. The exact age that Jessica was on the day she died. Today Sophie is the same age that Jessica will always be; tomorrow, she will become my eldest child. Not my first-born, but my eldest. Overtaking her big sister. The little sister will become… Read More

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Grief and life after Jessica – the last of the shared experiences

12/03/202011/03/2020
Jessica and Sophie sitting on a bench at Blackgang Chine with giant garden gnomes on either side of them

This half-term is proving to be quite an emotional one. As I dropped Sophie back at school on the first day after the half-term break, I couldn’t help but remember the last time I dropped off a little girl at a year 1 classroom after the February half-term break. How excited Jessica was at being… Read More

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80 years young: my mum – the heart of our family

09/03/202010/03/2020
Mum looking at her birthday card with "Happy 80th birthday Mum" and a doodle of me and my siblings with her inside

When asked what she wanted for her eightieth birthday, my mum’s reply was “to have all my family around me”. Family is everything to my mum and the importance of loving each other and pulling together as a family, even when it is hard, is something that has been drummed into all of us. My… Read More

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I'm Louise, mummy of three - Jessica, forever six, who was born with half a heart and lives on in mine; and heart-healthy Sophie (born 2013) and Thomas (born 2018). I blog about child loss, CHD, days out, crafts and family life.

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