One of the many things that broke my heart when Jessica died was sorting through and editing photos of her, knowing that there would be no more new ones to take. No new memories to make together, no new moments to experience. Yet while of course there are no new memories to make with her,… Read More
I had a conversation with an acquaintance recently, triggered by a discussion about whether I was planning any more children. The conversation went something like this: Her: “Well, two children is enough.” Me: “Three.” Her: “Oh yes, I forgot about Jessica.” (pause) “Well, two really. Nice to have one of each.” Me: “No, not… Read More
Here I am again – back to doing the school run. Dropping a little girl off at a reception classroom once more. How different it all is second time around. I’ve relaxed back into that familiar routine very quickly. I’m more confident, the faces on the school run are familiar ones. I’ve missed this.… Read More
I’ve been told a few times since Jessica died that I need to have counselling. I’m sure the people who tell me this mean well, but it leaves me wondering why they think I need it so much. Is it because they feel like I’m not coping with my grief? Or that I’m not… Read More
This week has been a particularly emotional one as two big firsts have come together: the first of Jessica’s birthdays without her and Sophie’s first day at school. We’ve also come to the end of our first summer without Jessica which was also our first one with Thomas. So many moments of missing Jessica so… Read More
Darling Sophie, Today is your first day at school. A big step for you and one that you are ready to take. I know that you will take it in your stride and I am sure you will love your time at school. You are so confident and outgoing, as bright as a button and… Read More
Darling Jessica, Tomorrow is your seventh birthday. You should be getting excited about it, looking forward to your cards and presents, telling me what cake you want. But you’re not here. You are frozen forever in time. Forever six. I won’t get to see you celebrate another birthday, or blow the candles out on… Read More