This week has been a particularly emotional one as two big firsts have come together: the first of Jessica’s birthdays without her and Sophie’s first day at school. We’ve also come to the end of our first summer without Jessica which was also our first one with Thomas. So many moments of missing Jessica so very much.
Sophie was quite tearful going to school for the first time yesterday. She told us she didn’t want to go to school without Jessica. It was so hard seeing her so upset, knowing that there was nothing we could do to make it better for her. We had arranged to go in a little late on the first morning as we felt it would be easier to cope with all our emotions without all the other parents there especially with it also being Jessica’s birthday. Sophie’s teacher was brilliant with trying to help her settle in and I knew that she would be well supported. She was much happier when I picked her up and told me that she loves her new school. I think the excitement of having Daddy, Nanny and Auntie Loraynne there at pick-up time also helped perk her up!
After school, we headed to GreenAcres to visit Jessica. We took her birthday cake and sang Happy Birthday to her. Sophie blew out the candle and then we sat for a while eating cake and remembering much happier birthdays. We miss Jessica every moment of every day but even more so in moments like this.
I had my first counselling session this week. I’m not quite sure what I’m hoping to gain from it but it does give me a safe space in which to talk about Jessica and process my feelings.
There are a couple more firsts still to come this week. Thomas is going to his first Tiny Talk session tomorrow morning and then Sophie goes to the primary ballet class for the first time in the afternoon. It’ll be our first time back at that class since Jessica died and no doubt I will find it emotional to be there again.
Things that have made me smile this week
- Watching Sophie have fun hunting for dinosaurs in Black Park with one of Jessica’s school friends.
- Finding the last few sculptures on the Gromit Unleashed 2 trail.
- Hubby and Sophie taking part in a couple of “Premier Inn Games” events.
- Catching up with friends at a christening.
- Jessica’s reception teacher popping in with one of Jessica’s schoolbooks and a few photos of Jessica at school.
- Recreating Kerry, Jessica’s favourite doll, in cake form.