Friday Focus 07/09/18 – Emotional firsts

This week has been a particularly emotional one as two big firsts have come together: the first of Jessica’s birthdays without her and Sophie’s first day at school. We’ve also come to the end of our first summer without Jessica which was also our first one with Thomas. So many moments of missing Jessica so very much.

 

"Firsts" - this week's word of the week

 

Sophie was quite tearful going to school for the first time yesterday. She told us she didn’t want to go to school without Jessica. It was so hard seeing her so upset, knowing that there was nothing we could do to make it better for her. We had arranged to go in a little late on the first morning as we felt it would be easier to cope with all our emotions without all the other parents there especially with it also being Jessica’s birthday. Sophie’s teacher was brilliant with trying to help her settle in and I knew that she would be well supported. She was much happier when I picked her up and told me that she loves her new school. I think the excitement of having Daddy, Nanny and Auntie Loraynne there at pick-up time also helped perk her up!

 

After school, we headed to GreenAcres to visit Jessica. We took her birthday cake and sang Happy Birthday to her. Sophie blew out the candle and then we sat for a while eating cake and remembering much happier birthdays. We miss Jessica every moment of every day but even more so in moments like this.

 

Hubby and Sophie with Jessica's birthday cake at Jessica's forever bed

 

I had my first counselling session this week. I’m not quite sure what I’m hoping to gain from it but it does give me a safe space in which to talk about Jessica and process my feelings.

 

There are a couple more firsts still to come this week. Thomas is going to his first Tiny Talk session tomorrow morning and then Sophie goes to the primary ballet class for the first time in the afternoon. It’ll be our first time back at that class since Jessica died and no doubt I will find it emotional to be there again.

 

Things that have made me smile this week

  • Watching Sophie have fun hunting for dinosaurs in Black Park with one of Jessica’s school friends.

 

 

  • Hubby and Sophie taking part in a couple of “Premier Inn Games” events.

 

 

  • Catching up with friends at a christening.

 

  • Jessica’s reception teacher popping in with one of Jessica’s schoolbooks and a few photos of Jessica at school.

 

  • Recreating Kerry, Jessica’s favourite doll, in cake form.

 

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21 Comments

  1. September 7, 2018 / 8:59 am

    I saw your instagram photo of Sophie’s first day at school, she put on such a brave face at such an emotional time! That video cracked me up, I think we have to give the award for most graceful dancing to Sophie…as beautiful as your hubby’s efforts were 😛 #WotW

    • Louise
      Author
      September 7, 2018 / 9:37 pm

      Thank you Emma. We did have fun putting the video together 🙂

  2. September 7, 2018 / 9:19 am

    So many firsts all in one, very emotional, week. I’m glad that Sophie did enjoy her first day at school, I hope she enjoys her ballet class. Jessica’s birthday cake looks wonderful, and basing it on Jessica’s favourite doll is lovely. I do hope Thomas has fun at his Tiny Talk class. Oh, and I love that video, looks like they had fun making it! x Thanks for sharing with #WotW

    • Louise
      Author
      September 7, 2018 / 9:38 pm

      Thank you Jocelyn. It has been such an emotional week. Sophie and Thomas both enjoyed their classes today x

  3. September 7, 2018 / 9:51 am

    Big hugs x I’ve been seeing your posts and not being sure what to say to you. I understand how difficult and emotional it must be for you, but words don’t seem enough. I’m so glad that Sophie enjoyed her first day at school, that must have been a relief. I love Jessica’s birthday cake, it was nice that you could take a moment of reflection and celebration in her honour. I’m also glad that you are having counselling. it may seem that you don’t know how it will help just yet, but I’m sure you will gain something from it. It’s so different having a stranger to talk to, you will probably work through so many things that you wouldn’t be able to anywhere else. Anyway, I really to hope it helps xx
    #wotw

    • Louise
      Author
      September 7, 2018 / 9:38 pm

      Thank you Anne. I think it will be helpful to have that space to talk x

  4. September 7, 2018 / 10:31 am

    It’s been such an emotional week for you all, Sophie has done brilliantly and it’s great to hear that’s she enjoying school. Jessica’s cake looks lovely, I hope it brought you a little peace visiting her special place on her birthday and spending some time there. I hope Thomas enjoys tiny talk and Sophie enjoys ballet x

    • Louise
      Author
      September 7, 2018 / 9:40 pm

      Thank you Angela. I’m glad I was able to make the cake for Jessica – she really would have loved it x

  5. September 7, 2018 / 11:11 am

    Oh no it ate my comment.

    I’ll try again. Such a mixed emotion week for you. Beautiful ones intermingled with less than perfect. I’m glad Sophie had a good first day. It was never going to be easy. You sound as if you are surrounded by wonderful supportive people. I’m sure they know how much it means to you. What a beautiful cake. I think you are so clever to make it and celebrate in this way. We did baby sign language with my youngest, which I guess tiny talk is focused on. It confused my older two. They thought he knew all the words at four months, and all they had to do was learn the right sign to communicate with him. It was very sweet. Hope Thomas enjoys his sessions. #wotw

    • Louise
      Author
      September 7, 2018 / 9:42 pm

      It’s frustrating when that happens! We are surrounded by a lot of support which has helped, especially this week. Tiny Talk is baby signing- I love that your older two thought that your youngest would pick up all the words so quickly.

  6. September 7, 2018 / 2:01 pm

    Aww! It must have been so hard for Sophie going to school without Jessica…It sounds like the school is being so supportive. That cake looks fab! It is so lovely you celebrated Jessica’s birthday like that. Sending massive hugs!
    hahaha! I saw the Premier Inn Games earlier in the week and laughed out loud. What fun your hubby is. #WotW

    • Louise
      Author
      September 7, 2018 / 9:43 pm

      Thanks Kim. It has been a hard week but school have been brilliant

  7. September 7, 2018 / 3:59 pm

    I cannot begin to imagine how hard this week has been for you all. I am glad Sophie had a nice time at school, they sound like they are every supportive. Jessica’s cake was a lovely way to remember and celebrate her life.
    I think counselling will be beneficial for you. I was very sceptical before I had a course but it was very effective. It doesn’t make the pain go away but it helps you to deal with and find a way forward. xx

    • Louise
      Author
      September 7, 2018 / 9:45 pm

      Thank you Louisa. I have found counselling effective in the past although have had more of a goal with it before. This time I think just having that space to talk will help.

  8. September 7, 2018 / 6:50 pm

    Sending love Louise I cant imagine how hard it is for all of you, and Sophie is doing to well bless her. Despite the grief she felt I hope her day turned out good. Happy Birthday to beautiful Jessica. And congratulations on your award it is so well deserved my lovely x

    • Louise
      Author
      September 7, 2018 / 9:46 pm

      Thank you Sarah. Sophie did enjoy her first day in the end and is settling in well. Congratulations to you too and good luck! x

  9. September 8, 2018 / 8:22 am

    Its so nice to go and celebrate her birthday with her. I am seeing a lot of memories of Jessica in FB and they are amazing. What I always remember her a bubbly young girl. So much love for her on FB!

    Love that vid of your husband and Sophie. So funny!

    #wotw

    • Louise
      Author
      September 8, 2018 / 7:55 pm

      Thanks Merlinda. She was so bubbly. Her birthday was a tough day for us x

  10. September 8, 2018 / 4:02 pm

    Sending you love it must be really really tough when toy approach a mlestone. I an pleased Sophie had settled in well. Well done on the reward X #wotw

    • Louise
      Author
      September 8, 2018 / 7:57 pm

      Thank you. It has been a tough week. It’s been good to see Sophie enjoying school though x

  11. September 12, 2018 / 1:31 pm

    What a tough week for you all! I’m glad Sophie’s first day went well and I hope the ballet class went well too. X

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