18 months. 18 months of having to live without our beautiful big girl. Part of me wonders how it can it be 18 months already, but then sometimes I look back and it all feels so long ago. It’s such a horrible feeling – that life with Jessica can feel so distant at times. There… Read More
Darling little Thomas, Today is your first birthday. I can’t quite believe that you are now one and that it has been a whole year since you came into the world. My last baby. My teeny tiny boy who is no longer quite so teeny tiny. You’re on the brink of becoming a toddler –… Read More
It’s ten years today since I married my wonderful husband. It’s funny, it doesn’t seem possible that it can be ten years already and yet in many ways it feels like we’ve been married longer than that too. Our journey through married life has been quite different to how I imagined it might be. We’ve… Read More
I had a conversation with an acquaintance the other day which went something like this: Them: “You look miserable today, what’s the matter?” Me: “Jessica’s dead.” Them: “Oh, is that all?” Me: Them: Me: “Yes, that’s all.” That’s all. Just a trivial thing really. Living with the suffocating weight of grief. Enduring life… Read More
If I could sum up my 30s in one word, it would have to be ‘family’. I got married at the start of my 30s, lost my dad a few months later and then we started a family of our own with the arrivals of Jessica, Sophie and Thomas. My 30s was the decade of… Read More
“How do I survive this?!” It’s a question I’ve screamed out many times over the past year. In those moments when I am blinded by tears, overwhelmed and broken by the pain of life without Jessica, I wonder how on earth I can possibly keep going on. And yet I do. Here I am, almost… Read More
One of my favourite quotes as a heart parent was this one: “Having a child with a life-threatening condition changes you. It brings out strength in you that you never knew you had, it makes you appreciate the little things in life, it makes you fear that every memory you make together may be your… Read More