A new year is like opening a book full of blank pages. Wondering what is going to be written on those pages. At the start of the new year, the thought of those blank pages frightens me. What things will be written on them? That there will be happy moments, exciting moments, fun moments I have no doubt. But I also know that those pages may be filled with heartbreak too. That whilst the new year can be an opportunity to fulfill our goals and move forward with our hopes and dreams, there are so many things beyond our control. Whilst of course I have some aims for the new year – taking on the #366daysofgratitude challenge and improving my French are two of them – I find it hard to look ahead and make plans for a future that may not be mine.
As a heart mummy, the fear of what the future may bring is always there; it is something I live with each day. What will this new year bring? It is likely to bring challenges – a cardiac catheter investigation will almost certainly take place and it may well be that Jessica’s next open-heart surgery will happen this year too. We have walked the road of open heart surgery several times before but each time it gets harder and harder. The more I see this beautiful girl of mine grow and thrive, and develop her own wonderful personality, the harder the prospect of having to hand her over to a surgeon becomes. Not to mention the fact that I am more aware of the risks, of the fact that not all children make it home after surgery. And yet I know that Jessica’s current circulation will only last so long; that her continued survival depends upon another heart surgery.
My only wish for the year ahead is that I will end it with my family still complete. Whatever challenges lie ahead, I pray that we will meet them, and get through them together. Whilst I have no control over what tomorrow may bring, I remind myself that I do have today. I have the here and now – little moments there to be enjoyed, to be treasured, before they become nothing more than memories. I will enjoy the time I have with my two beautiful girls and push away the thought of what tomorrow may bring. It may bring miracles, hope and promise, and it may not. One thing’s for sure though, I won’t let the fear of what the future may bring rob me of the joy that I have today.
Hi Louise, powerful words that really made me catch my breath. People knowing that you have a heart child is one thing, but it’s words like that that drives it home as to what it really means. Your words should act as a reminder to us all that living in the here and now is so important as we never know what tomorrow will bring.
Whatever happens this year, I hope all things go smoothly for you and your family.
Big hugs.
xx
Thank you Debbie – it’s something I try not to dwell on too much but the start of a new year always brings it home more sharply. One positive of being a heart mummy though is that it has forced me to enjoy the moment and be content with what I have now. As hard as the journey has been (and will be in the future), it has brought a lot of joy with it and that is what I try to focus on x
Wow, I feel so moved reading this, you have such an amazing attitude to being in a situation that must be so difficult at times. And what an inspiring message – being in the moment and treasuring the here and now is such a wonderful yet surprisingly difficult thing to do! Will be thinking of you and sending positive thoughts to you and your family. Have an amazing day xx
Thank you Amy – it is very difficult at times but learning to live in the here and now is a good thing in so many ways. I know I am lucky to be here with my two beautiful girls and they both bring me so much joy x
Oh Louise. I’m sitting here amazed by your positive attitude, because you are right, we can never know what tomorrow may bring, so we must hold on to what we do know: the moment that we are in. But I’m also sitting here wishing only good things for you this coming year and sending you what strength I can to face whatever comes. Love to you and your family, and thank you so much for sharing this powerful post with #ThePrompt.
Thank you so much Sara – I’ll keep holding on to the hope that all will be well and enjoying all those wonderful moments with my gorgeous girls in the meantime. Lovely to join in with #ThePrompt again and looking forward to joining in more often this year x
These are such beautiful words Louise. You have such a great attitude and I love how you have expressed your feelings about the here and now. Wishing you love and happiness for the year ahead #theprompt x
Thank you so much Vicky 🙂
You are truly an inspiration, Louise. I wish you all the very best and hope you end this new year on a wonderful, happy note. xx #theprompt
A powerful post, Louise, very emotive. I very much hope you will end this year with your family still complete, and both your beautiful girls growing and thriving. Hugs xxx #theprompt
Such a positive and inspiring new year’s post. I hope you get all you wish for and more.
Oh Louise, Now that I know the fear of handing your child over to the surgeons I can’t imagine what it feels like for you if it gets harder.
Such a beautiful post and I hope you get everything you are praying for.
Beth x
Thank you Beth – I do too! x