Friday Focus 28/09/18 – Drifting

We’ve just been drifting along this week – doing ordinary little everyday things and getting through each day as best we can. I often describe grief as being like a stormy sea. The waves vary in size from moment to moment – sometimes the sea is fairly calm; sometimes the waves are huge and crash around me. There are times when I try to paddle against the waves as the storm of grief within me rages against them. This week I’ve mostly drifted along with them, letting them take me where they will. Grief has mostly manifest as feelings of intense sadness rather than the huge waves of anger that it sometimes can be.

 

The word "drifting" drawn floating on a sea

 

The change of seasons brings an acute awareness of time drifting on too. Each day, we drift further and further from our life with Jessica. All we can do is hold on to the beautiful memories that we have as we continue to learn to live our life without her.

 

Things that have made me smile this week

  • Sophie’s excitement at being the first to take the class toy home for the weekend. It wasn’t a particularly eventful one for us so we’ve set the bar fairly low for everyone else!

 

  • Sophie giving yoga a try at this month’s Halo session.

 

Sophie lying on her back with her legs in the air with the class bunny in the foreground

 

  • Sophie “dancing” with Thomas while watching Strictly.

 

Sophie holding Thomas's hands and jiggling him around while watching Strictly

 

  • Sophie answering “my baby brother” when asked what her favourite thing in the world is at church parade.

 

  • Thomas cooing and smiling at me.

 

  • Being greeted with the words “Hello Jessica’s mummy” by a couple of Year 2 children when going to the Harvest service at our local church with Sophie and the children at her school. It means so much to hear Jessica’s name mentioned by her classmates and to know she has not been forgotten.

 

  • Receiving a beautiful bouquet of flowers from some friends just to let us know that they were thinking of us.

 

  • Getting in and out of the hospital in less than ten minutes when taking Thomas for his hip scan. All looked good and as we’d arrived early, we were already heading home by the time our appointment should have been.

 

  • Watching hubby and Sophie having fun building train tracks and playing with Duplo trains.

 

Sophie with her Duplo train set

 

The Reading Residence

18 thoughts on “Friday Focus 28/09/18 – Drifting

  1. I completely agree, sometimes you just have to let emotions take you where they will. It can be so exhausting trying to fight them and often we need to allow them to happen so that we can come out the other side feeling better. #WotW

  2. The sea sounds like an accurate analogy, and better when you’re just going with the waves wherever that may take you rather than resisting them. I love that Sophie said her baby brother was her favourite thing in the world, that’s made me tear up so I’m sure it did you! Thanks for sharing with #WotW x

  3. Using the sea to describe your emotions explains in beautifully.
    Aww! Sophie and Thomas dancing to Strictly is just adorable. Give it a couple of years and I bet he is up strutting his stuff properly. That is so lovely that the children still mention Jessica at school. x

    1. It was so lovely to hear her name mentioned. I did love Sophie trying to dance with Thomas – I don’t think he’ll have much choice over being her dance partner in future! 🙂

  4. I think the turn of the year was hard when I lost my sister. Felt like leaving her behind. I understand how the turn of the seasons can feel. I like your analogy about the sea waves. Grief is a beast. That photo of Thomas and Sophie is priceless. Lovely moments to make you smile. #wotw

  5. Such a good analogy of grief, it certainly does come in waves. It sounds like your ship is strong though and I love how Sophie adores her little brother. The happiness they bring to your life will keep you smiling through the storms. I love the photo of Sophie doing yoga, what a great thing to learn, did you join in too? xx
    #Wotw

    1. I had Thomas strapped to me in the sling so didn’t join in with the yoga but maybe next time! x

  6. Drifting is the perfect world I think, grief comes in waves and you are not really sure where they will carry you. You are so strong Louise, you are amazing even if you don’t feel it. Did Sophie enjoy seeing Dr Ranj on Strictly ? she has a cute little dancing partner there too ! xx

    1. Thank you Angela. Sophie loved seeing Dr Ranj on Strictly – his dance was definitely her favourite! 🙂

  7. Ah bless I bet that was lovely to hear, and Thomas is going to love Strictly whether he likes it or not! You sound like you have some wonderful friends around you Louise and this week sounds like you have had a bit of a rest your grief must be so hard to deal with on a daily basis x

    1. It is hard to live with but we try to get through as best we can. We are lucky to have such lovely friends. I am sure Thomas will love Strictly – he won’t get much choice over that one!

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