We’ve just been drifting along this week – doing ordinary little everyday things and getting through each day as best we can. I often describe grief as being like a stormy sea. The waves vary in size from moment to moment – sometimes the sea is fairly calm; sometimes the waves are huge and crash around me. There are times when I try to paddle against the waves as the storm of grief within me rages against them. This week I’ve mostly drifted along with them, letting them take me where they will. Grief has mostly manifest as feelings of intense sadness rather than the huge waves of anger that it sometimes can be.
The change of seasons brings an acute awareness of time drifting on too. Each day, we drift further and further from our life with Jessica. All we can do is hold on to the beautiful memories that we have as we continue to learn to live our life without her.
Things that have made me smile this week
- Sophie’s excitement at being the first to take the class toy home for the weekend. It wasn’t a particularly eventful one for us so we’ve set the bar fairly low for everyone else!
- Sophie giving yoga a try at this month’s Halo session.
- Sophie “dancing” with Thomas while watching Strictly.
- Sophie answering “my baby brother” when asked what her favourite thing in the world is at church parade.
- Thomas cooing and smiling at me.
- Being greeted with the words “Hello Jessica’s mummy” by a couple of Year 2 children when going to the Harvest service at our local church with Sophie and the children at her school. It means so much to hear Jessica’s name mentioned by her classmates and to know she has not been forgotten.
- Receiving a beautiful bouquet of flowers from some friends just to let us know that they were thinking of us.
- Getting in and out of the hospital in less than ten minutes when taking Thomas for his hip scan. All looked good and as we’d arrived early, we were already heading home by the time our appointment should have been.
- Watching hubby and Sophie having fun building train tracks and playing with Duplo trains.