This week has been a bit of a mixed one – there have been happy moments but also moments of feeling overwhelmed, stressed, tired and fed up with everything. Such is the nature of living with grief. Highs followed by crashing lows; joy interspersed with sorrow; emotions that are rarely uncomplicated. Some days I navigate the storms better than others; some days I become the storm myself, raging away at everything and anything. Then it all calms down for a while and life feels more manageable. This week has seen all of those kinds of moments. A week where emotions have been running high in various situations, but then there is calm after the storm once more. Time to recover and catch my breath once more.
It’s hubby’s birthday today. The big 4-0. He’s caught me up again. He’s away at the moment though, working on an event in New York, so we celebrated his birthday early with a garden party at his parents’ house. It was lovely to catch up with friends from university days and to watch Sophie having fun with the other children at the party. The way she likes to take the little ones under her wing. I love how caring she is. Thomas enjoyed all the cuddles and attention he got too.
Although I’m used to frequent periods of flying solo, I often struggle in the run-up to them. The thought is always worse than the reality of it. Plus it always feels a bit crazy – that busy period of preparing for hubby to go away – followed by the calm once more as I settle into my own routines and ways of juggling things. Having ‘time out’ to go to rehearsal while Grandma looked after the children helped too. Another opportunity to regroup and refocus after all the ups and downs of the week.
Things that have made me smile this week
- Making a mixing desk cake for hubby’s birthday.
- Listening to Thomas giggling away as he went on a bouncy castle for the first time.
- Sophie’s joy at getting to see some of her school friends at a birthday party.
- Playing board games with Sophie.
- Watching Sophie helping to create a piece of art with some of her Halo friends.
- Setting up the tepee in the garden and sitting in it reading stories together.
- Having a toy hunt in the garden with Sophie.
- Remembering how to back-wrap and carrying Thomas on my back for the first time.