Anniversaries of significant dates always bring back memories and this week has been full of them. They’ve included one of the earliest dates that was part of Jessica’s journey and the last one.
Last Friday was eleven years since the scan appointment where we were told that Jessica’s heart condition was so severe that she was unlikely to be suitable for surgery after birth. It was a devastating appointment but it did lead us down the road towards the in-utero surgery that helped give us those six and a half wonderful years with our beautiful girl.
A few days later, we passed the anniversary of the very last time we saw Jessica followed by the anniversary of her funeral the next day, and then the anniversary of my husband’s aunt’s death the day after that. Auntie Marls’ ashes are interred in front of Jessica’s forever bed and my in-laws and I spent some time at GreenAcres that afternoon remembering her and Jessica.
This week also brought with it one of those unexpected grief triggers due to fading memories. I have a lot of beautiful memories of Jessica but there are little things that are no longer easy to remember and it hurts that my memories of her are not as sharp as they once were. I spent some time looking back over photos which helped a little bit. Thank goodness for being able to capture some of those memories in photos and video clips.
What I’ve been grateful for this week:
- Day 133 – I am grateful that Sophie enjoyed her first singing class (and that I was able to get her there thanks to borrowing my husband’s car while he fixed mine!)
- Day 134 – I am grateful for family time together enjoying the sunshine.
- Day 135 – I am grateful for pretty dresses with pockets that come in kids and adult sizes!
- Day 136 – I am grateful that the roses are starting to bloom in the garden.
- Day 137 – I am grateful for ‘family snuggles’ on the sofa.
- Day 138 – I am grateful for little notes from Sophie.
- Day 139 – I am grateful for summer opening hours at GreenAcres and time to remember Auntie Marls one year on. Yesterday was also four years since we laid Jessica to rest in this beautiful spot.
Other things that have made me smile this week:
- Thomas adding “at Tots Go Wild” to the caption ‘Hi, I’m Superworm. Have fun!” that one of the rangers had drawn on the chalk wall.
- Watching the UK come second at Eurovision. Sophie enjoyed being allowed to stay up late and it was lovely to see her excitement as the scores came in!
- Getting to rehearse on stage for a tech rehearsal for the music hall show I’m performing in. Just over a week now until we’re back on that stage performing it to a audience. You can see my music-hall persona in the photo below. My back-story was inspired by my great-great grandmother who actually did run off with a pedlar, leaving her husband and ten children behind (although none of them ended up in music hall in real-life as far as I know!)