Friday Focus 20/05/22 – Memories

Anniversaries of significant dates always bring back memories and this week has been full of them. They’ve included one of the earliest dates that was part of Jessica’s journey and the last one.


The word 'memories'


Last Friday was eleven years since the scan appointment where we were told that Jessica’s heart condition was so severe that she was unlikely to be suitable for surgery after birth. It was a devastating appointment but it did lead us down the road towards the in-utero surgery that helped give us those six and a half wonderful years with our beautiful girl.


A few days later, we passed the anniversary of the very last time we saw Jessica followed by the anniversary of her funeral the next day, and then the anniversary of my husband’s aunt’s death the day after that. Auntie Marls’ ashes are interred in front of Jessica’s forever bed and my in-laws and I spent some time at GreenAcres that afternoon remembering her and Jessica.


This week also brought with it one of those unexpected grief triggers due to fading memories. I have a lot of beautiful memories of Jessica but there are little things that are no longer easy to remember and it hurts that my memories of her are not as sharp as they once were. I spent some time looking back over photos which helped a little bit. Thank goodness for being able to capture some of those memories in photos and video clips.




What I’ve been grateful for this week:


Sophie at her singing class; Sophie and Thomas at a playground; me and Sophie in matching dresses; a peach 'Joie de Vivre' rose; me, my husband, Sophie and Thomas and Jessica's photo blanket; three notes to me, hubby and Thomas saying 'I love you' from Sophie; flowers for Jessica and Auntie Marls' at GreenAcres - "#365daysofgratitude 2022 - Week 20"


  • Day 133 – I am grateful that Sophie enjoyed her first singing class (and that I was able to get her there thanks to borrowing my husband’s car while he fixed mine!)


  • Day 134 – I am grateful for family time together enjoying the sunshine.


  • Day 135 – I am grateful for pretty dresses with pockets that come in kids and adult sizes!


  • Day 136 – I am grateful that the roses are starting to bloom in the garden.


  • Day 137 – I am grateful for ‘family snuggles’ on the sofa.


  • Day 138 – I am grateful for little notes from Sophie.


  • Day 139 – I am grateful for summer opening hours at GreenAcres and time to remember Auntie Marls one year on. Yesterday was also four years since we laid Jessica to rest in this beautiful spot.



Other things that have made me smile this week:

  • Thomas adding “at Tots Go Wild” to the caption ‘Hi, I’m Superworm. Have fun!” that one of the rangers had drawn on the chalk wall.


Thomas writing 'at Tots Go Wild' on a chalkboard under a picture of Superworm with the caption "Hi I'm Superworm. Have fun!"


  • Watching the UK come second at Eurovision. Sophie enjoyed being allowed to stay up late and it was lovely to see her excitement as the scores came in!


  • Getting to rehearse on stage for a tech rehearsal for the music hall show I’m performing in. Just over a week now until we’re back on that stage performing it to a audience. You can see my music-hall persona in the photo below. My back-story was inspired by my great-great grandmother who actually did run off with a pedlar, leaving her husband and ten children behind (although none of them ended up in music hall in real-life as far as I know!)
A picture of me dressed in top hat and tails with the caption "Miss Clarissa Stephens. Clarissa was born and brought up in Southampton, the eldest of six children. After her mother ran away with a pedlar, she and her siblings were sent to live with various relatives. Clarissa and her brother were sent to live with her uncle who ran a public house in the city centre where they would often sing to entertain the customers , one of whom was the manager of the Royal York Pavilion Music Hall. One evening shortly after making their debut there, Clarissa stood in for her brother after he was taken ill shortly before a performance. She has continued to appear regularly as a male impersonator ever since."
(Photo credit – WOS Productions)


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16 thoughts on “Friday Focus 20/05/22 – Memories

  1. This month is also filled with similar memories for me too. Thankfully, I’m not alone and neither are you. Cherish the fond memories you have.

    1. Knowing we’re not alone helps so much. I hope that your happy memories are helping you through too.

  2. Oh gosh, what a week of memories. Sending love and hugs. April and May are such an emotional time for you with all of those memories.
    Lovely photos. I love your matching dresses. How cute. x

    1. Thanks Kim. Sophie loves us having matching dresses – I’ll enjoy that while it lasts!

  3. Memories can be both joyful and sad, and sometime both at the same time. I’m so pleased that Sophie is following in your footsteps and enjoying singing and dancing. I hope you enjoy your stage show. Wasn’t Eurovision great, my girls stayed up to watch it too for the first time.

    1. That’s very true about memories – mine are often very mixed. It is lovely to see Sophie enjoying her singing and dancing so much.

  4. Memories and anniversaries can be so important in life and so sad.

    Love the dresses. I watched Eurovision too – Sam did so well.

    1. Indeed, but I’m thankful to have the memories I do have, even if they do make me sad sometimes.

  5. Sending you hugs. I’m glad looking through the photos helped you a bit. I love your matching dresses I think I saw them on insta I have never been able to find anything for me and Little E to match in. Love the family photos #WotW

    1. Thank you. The dresses are from Popsy – they have quite a good collection of dresses that are also available in kids sizes.

  6. Some of my memories have faded and I am desperately trying to remember them. I hope that Jessica’s photos help you all to remember the love and that beautiful smile. #project365

  7. Bless you sorry its been a tough time, I am glad you had your photos and videos to help. You look so smart in your production picture. How lovely that Sophie has taken up singing classes.

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