Friday Focus 08/04/22 – Getting through

This time of year is mostly about getting through the days, allowing the stormy sea of grief to rise up and crash over us. Letting the memories come, letting the guilt rear its ugly head and not wasting our energy fighting against it. Holding fast to the beautiful memories we have of Jessica, to the love we have for her and the love she had for us and knowing that nothing can take that love away.

 

A drawing of a boat with four people in on a stormy sea and the words 'getting through' written underneath

 

I can be very good at distracting myself from grief, but I have also learned that if I push it away too often, it will come back more strongly each time. It needs its own time and space and this is one of those times when it will demand that time and space. It’s hard, and the ache for Jessica feels unbearable at times, but allowing space for our grief allows space for her too. We’ll be trying to get through the anniversary of her death next week in our usual way, focusing on trying to #givejoyforjessica to honour our beautiful girl who gave so much joy to others in her life.

 

A smiley Jessica in the playroom on the children's cardiac ward

 

Yesterday was the eighth anniversary of starting this blog. I’m grateful for all the memories of family moments together that have been captured here, for the support I’ve had over the years and the online friends I’ve made as a result. Writing about things has also been a good way of getting through difficult times. I started it to share some of my experiences as a heart mum but now half of that time has been as a bereaved mum. The majority of posts are still from life with Jessica though as I blogged a lot more frequently back then.

 

We’ve been getting through most of this week without heating or hot water after the leak we had last week. I’ve been very thankful for jumpers, portable heaters and electric showers! Thankfully the valves have now been replaced and everything seems to be working again.

 

It’s been good to get back to normal routines again this week now that we’re all recovered from Covid. Sophie and Thomas have enjoyed being back at school and preschool and I have to admit I’ve enjoyed having a little bit of me-time as well! It’s been good to have that space to recharge my batteries again just in time for the Easter holidays to start.

 

 

 

What I’ve been grateful for this week:

 

Thomas sitting in A&E; Sophie making a nature collage; Sophie with a stack of nine pebbles in front of her; Thomas throwing sticks in a puddle; Thomas wearing his Easter hat; a smiley Thomas with his face covered in chocolate; a clear dining room table - "#365daysofgratitude 2022 - Week 14"

 

  • Day 91 – I am grateful that Thomas’s wrist is fine after 111 sent us to A&E as he fell yesterday and was still refusing to use that hand or bend his fingers or wrist this morning.

 

  • Day 92 – I am grateful that Sophie had fun making a nature collage.

 

  • Day 93 – I am grateful for simple fun outdoor activities that can be done in the garden. Sophie was very pleased with herself for managing to build a pebble stack nine pebbles high. My best was six!

 

  • Day 94 – I am grateful for being able to venture out again!

 

  • Day 95 – I am grateful for Easter bonnets.

 

  • Day 96 – I am grateful for wipes.

 

  • Day 97 – I am grateful the table is no longer in danger of completely disappearing beneath a mountain of paperwork, craft items and toys. Fingers crossed we can manage to keep it this tidy!!

 

 

Other things that have made me smile this week:

  • Doing a dinosaur hunt in the garden with Sophie and Thomas.

 

Sophie and Thomas in the garden, holding a dinosaur

 

 

Sophie doing some leaf printing on the garden table

 

  • Sophie’s excitement over having a couple of swimming lessons at school.

 

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12 thoughts on “Friday Focus 08/04/22 – Getting through

  1. Sending love and hugs to you, every day of the year must be tough without Jessica but this time of year must be unbearable.
    Congrats on the 8 years of blogging. I was shocked as I always thought you had been blogging longer than me.
    Lovely photos! It looks like you have been having a lot of fun x

    1. Thank you Kim, it is such a tough time of year. You were one of the first bloggers I encountered when I started my blog and I’m so glad that we’re still following each other eight years on x

  2. I’m glad you have your heating back on and that you are all free from Covid. I’m also glad that Thomas’ wrist wasn’t anything serious and I hope it heals quickly. As for the grief, I know you will get through this week because you are surrounded by love and Jessica will always be held in all of our hearts. Her joy will live on xx

    1. Thank you Anne. We’re getting through – it’s a tough week but we’ll get there. Thomas’s wrist is fine now.

  3. I am so happy you are all recovered from COVID and that the leak got repaired. Leaf printing sounds so cool! Happy 8th blogiversary to you. #MMBC

  4. Sorry that things are tough but congrats on blogging for 8 years and spreading awareness of Jessica’s story to support other families. I wonder if we will ever stop using wipes!

    1. Thank you. We use washable cloth wipes now but I do wonder too if we’ll ever reach a point of not using them anymore!

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