Things have felt heavy this week. I’m struggling to keep the balance of making sure I have time to myself whilst also trying to keep on top of the things I need to do. I’m trying to prioritise self-care where I can as I’m very conscious that this is our stormy season of grief with all the memories of Jessica’s last few weeks coming back up to the surface again and the ‘what if’s?’ and the grief-guilt starting to make their presence known.
Sophie has been unwell this week. She’s been fine during the day at school and then has been generally lethargic and unwell in the afternoons and evenings with a cough and a slightly raised temperature. I get really anxious these days when my children are unwell and particularly when it is something like this that has echoes of the way that Jessica was just generally unwell at this time of year six years ago and we had a cycle of being unwell and picking up again.
I’m struggling a little more with some of the parenting challenges that have occurred this week. The combination of overload and anxiety means my resilience and patience levels have not been at their best which hasn’t helped.
It’s just been one of those weeks. I know that things will ease again and there have been good moments in amongst the heavier ones.
What I’ve been grateful for this week:
- Day 54 – I am grateful for the little green shoots that are appearing at Jessica’s forever bed.
- Day 55 – I am grateful for an afternoon outdoors watching these two having a lot of fun together.
- Day 56 – I am grateful for card games.
- Day 57 – I am grateful for Thomas saying “I love you too” at bedtime when I said “goodnight, love you”. I know he loves his mummy, but it’s so rare for him to say it, that it makes it extra-special when he does.
- Day 58 – I am grateful that the orchids on my windowsill are starting to bloom again.
- Day 59 – I am grateful for time to myself getting out for a walk.
- Day 60 – I am grateful that the paper cube calendar Thomas made a few months ago is still bringing him joy and for his excitement about today being a leap day.
Other things that have made me smile this week:
- Getting an update on how well Sophie is doing at school and with her tuition at her parents’ evenings.
- Having a movie night with Sophie and Thomas.
- Reflecting on all the things that make Thomas happy and the things that he is good at on the Connect Parenting course I’ve been attending. It helped balance out the list of things he’s struggling with that came with the specialist teacher’s report this week.
When we are feeling this way, it is great to keep at the front of our minds that things won’t be down forever. It’s good to recognize how you are feeling too, that way you can prioritize what you spend time and energy on. Fingers crossed for things to look up soon.
I gave a hesitant smile when I saw your drawing. It can feel like you have a heavy weight sometimes. The cartoon version of you has an amusing expression like it’s taken you by surprise but you will throw that word far away before long. I hope it gets lighter soon. I hope Sophie feels better soon. I can imagine that any illness concerns you. Well done on the orchid. I’ve not had much luck with orchids, but I’m giving it another go this year, so I might be looking for tips. Hope you have a good weak.
Sending massive love and hugs! The self care sounds like the right thing to do. Poor Sophie, I can understand that her being poorly is a worry for you, especially at this time of year. I hope she feels better soon.
Lovely photos!
I hope Sophie feels better soon, it’s probably one of the many bugs doing the rounds but it doesn’t stop the worry. Taking care of yourself is always a good thing (says me..) but you can’t look after everyone else if you don’t. Things will start to feel better. Sending hugs
Hopefully Sophie picks up soon, and that’s the worst of the bugs done for the start of Spring. Lovely that you get those love you words from Thomas. It’s always special when children say it. I’m just about to throw out my orchid. I’m not sure the kitchen window ledge is the right place for it, but there’s not really anywhere else in the house it can go, and it’s basically going brown and dried out.
Such a tough time of year for you but you know you will weather those storms. I only wish you didn’t have to. If it’s any consolation, there are so many bugs going around at the moment, it’s no wonder Sophie keeps feeling ill, but I’m sure she’ll be just fine. And Thomas is just too cute.
Sorry to hear it has been a bit of a heavy week and sorry Sophie wasn’t feeling well. There are so many bugs going round at the moment but can understand being anxious.
I imagine that there are weeks that are harder than usual for various reasons. I can only hope that you are feeling better now.
It must be awful feeling this way whenever one of the children is unwell, especially at this time of the year. so sorry Louise, no wonder your anxiety levels are high.