For the last two years, I have taken part in a daily gratitude challenge – sharing one photo a day on Instagram of something I am grateful for. It’s taught me to look for the little things and has made me a more positive person. It has not always been easy to find something to be grateful for each day though, especially since losing my beautiful daughter Jessica in April.
One of Jessica’s godmothers once described her as a “joy carrier”. It was, and still is, such a wonderful description. She might have only had half a heart, but it overflowed with love and she brought sunshine to all who knew her. She taught me how to be strong, how to live each day to the full and how to find joy in the challenging moments. I continue with this challenge each day in honour of her.
Day 196 – I am grateful that we’ve ordered the new carpet for the spare room. It means we’ll now have to clear it out in the next couple of weeks and finally get on with turning it into Sophie’s new bedroom.
Day 197 – I am grateful that I still keep finding drawings that Jessica did that I don’t remember seeing before. Love her use of colour in this one.
Day 198 – I am grateful for a beautiful moment last night when my heart felt almost whole again. Hubby was fast asleep cuddled up to me, his hand resting on my bump and Peanut was having a wriggle. I could hear Sophie’s soft breathing as she slept in her bed and the little rustling noise her doll made whenever Sophie moved. It sounded exactly like the noise that Jessica’s doll Kerry would make if Jessica moved her in her sleep. For the first time since Jessica died, I felt that love in my heart for Peanut, a feeling that Peanut was very much a part of our family without displacing Jessica in any way at all. For a few moments, I could feel the presence of all three of my children; they were all there in the room with me and I was surrounded by love. Such a precious moment.
Day 199 – I am grateful for Jessica and Sophie’s preschool. Today was Sophie’s last day at preschool. She has loved her time there and her key worker and the other staff have all been brilliant with her, as they were with Jessica too. They were great at coping with Jessica’s extra needs during Jessica’s time there and helping to support Sophie after her big sister passed away. It has been lovely to see Sophie grow and thrive during her time at preschool and know that she has been so happy there.
Day 200 – I am grateful that being hit in the face by Sophie’s plaster cast as she rolled over in bed just woke me very abruptly rather than left any bruising. Lesson learned – bedsharing with a child who has a plaster cast is a risky business!
Day 201 – I am grateful that Sophie had such a lovely afternoon at her preschool leavers’ party. Was so lovely to see her having fun with her friends and get her “graduation certificate” from preschool. She has really enjoyed her time there.
Day 202 – I am grateful for a lovely day with my friend Katy.