Walking to school for the last time with your hand in mine, remembering the first time and the tiny person you were. Seven years of school runs now at an end. All those mornings with our little talks along the way. How on earth did those years fly by so fast? Seven years of seeing… Read More
Today Thomas has reached the age that Jessica was when she died. From tomorrow, my first-born child will become the youngest. The natural order of things will be turned on its head yet again, as it has been many times since the moment Jessica died. Another painful milestone on our grief journey. Another reminder of… Read More
I went to meet my younger self for coffee but couldn’t go in. Instead I hovered outside, just out of sight and peeped in on her, drinking in the sight of her with her two little girls, hearing the giggles and seeing the love and cuddles. I was so proud of her. Proud of the… Read More
Darling Jessica, Today is your 12th birthday. Twelve years ago today you came into the world, bringing joy with you. I remember the moment you arrived so vividly; the elation at hearing your first cry and the tears of joy as I got to have that first, brief cuddle with you. The joy of… Read More
Darling Jessica, Today is your 11th birthday. A day that should have started with you waking early to open cards and presents before getting ready for school. You would have been starting in year 6 today and no doubt would have been excited that your baby brother was starting school for the first time. I’m… Read More
The other day, I was having a little bit of a battle with Sophie over her home learning. Just one of those ordinary everyday moments of family life. Not something that I would have expected to have been a big grief trigger. But then I remembered doing home schooling with Jessica after her surgery and… Read More
I generally like mornings. Unless I’ve been disturbed multiple times through the night and wake up super-grumpy, this is the time of day when I’ve generally got the best reserves of energy and patience. Since the start of the year, we’ve been trying to have a few minutes of ‘snuggle time’ first thing in the… Read More