It’s been lovely to have so much sunshine this week, even if it has been a little too hot for my liking at times! Sophie’s preschool always have a couple of beach days in the summer and this week was the perfect week for them. Sophie loved being able to go in the paddling pool at preschool with all her friends. We’ve not had the paddling pool out at home this year as the hose is broken and having to lug buckets of water across the garden to fill it instead isn’t appealing at this stage of pregnancy!
My mum has been staying with us for most of the week. It’s been lovely to spend time with her and have that extra pair of hands to help out. Sophie has really enjoyed her time with Nanny and it was lovely to see her excitement at having Nanny come along to pick her up from preschool. Jessica always used to get so excited about visits from Nanny too. I can still see her little face at the classroom door and the way it would light up when she saw my mum there with me too.
Mum and I spent a morning at Jessica’s forever bed while Sophie was at preschool. I rewrote her name on the post as it was looking faded and we put some fresh flowers in her vase. A little moth settled on my nose for a moment as I stood there. Maybe it was a little sign from Jessica letting us know she was still with us. I always like to think so when things like that happen. Somehow it felt like a little kiss from heaven. We also wrote a little message on a chalkboard heart to leave in the memorial garden for Jessica.
We have been looking into ways of helping support Sophie as well. Last weekend we went to a group which has a monthly arts and crafts session for bereaved children. As it was such a lovely day, the session was held outside in their garden. Sophie had a lovely time watering the plants and exploring the play area. She did have a big cry at one point though. On the surface it seemed to be over wanting something that she couldn’t have but the intensity of her reaction made us think that it was probably also related to missing Jessica. We don’t often find that she cries specifically over missing her sister, but her reactions to other upsets can be much more extreme than they used to be which I think is how her grief often comes out.
One of the hardest things for me this week was giving Jessica’s buggy away to one of my heart mummy friends who needed one for her little heart warrior. It was another reminder that Jessica really isn’t coming back. I miss taking her out in it on days out. Sophie got to have a little ride in it though on the way to meet up with my friend. It was lovely to have one last walk pushing a little girl in it once more and remembering all those happy days out when Jessica was with us too.
Things that have made me smile this week
- Watching Sophie have fun at soft play and in the adventure playground while catching up with a friend.
- Seeing how adorable Sophie looks in her new dress from Nanny – especially when paired with my big sunhat!
- Making flower crowns with all the hawksbeard in the back garden.
- Watching Sophie have fun at Jessica’s school summer fayre.
- Making bark boats and sailing them in a washing up bowl out in the garden.