This week has been a tough one with grief being the overriding emotion of the week. It was the third anniversary of Jessica’s funeral on Tuesday. Anniversaries are always hard and it was one of those days when grief felt overwhelming. One of those days when life without Jessica feels too hard to endure and yet I know I have to continue to endure it. On the whole, I’ve learned to ride the waves of grief reasonably well, but they crash over me relentlessly on days like that and all I can do is wait for the storm to pass.
This week though has seen several storms. On Tuesday afternoon, my mother-in-law’s cat was run over. Sophie was absolutely devastated. As well as breaking the news to her about the cat, I also had to tell her that a close family member was dying and sadly they died on Wednesday night. We’re all feeling quite raw and devastated. I’m trying to stay strong for those closer to this than I am who need that love and support right now.
The last three years have taught me that we will get through but right now we’re just caught in the storm and getting through it as best we can.
Gratitude has not come easily this week. I’m thankful that looking for little things to be grateful for is such a habit now though. There have been little rays of sunshine breaking through the clouds every now and then and they do make the storm a little easier to bear.
What I’ve been grateful for this week:
- Day 134 – I am grateful for a much-needed afternoon nap for both me and Thomas!
- Day 135 – I am grateful for the joy that a simple trip to the park brings.
- Day 136 – I am grateful for a lawn full of dandelions and the yummy dandelion and lemon biscuits we can make from them.
- Day 137 – I am grateful for being able to go out for coffee and cake.
- Day 138 – I am grateful that Thomas slept for the first part of my visit to Jessica’s forever bed today so I could have a few undisturbed moments sitting with her.
- Day 139 – I am grateful for the joy that Sophie gets from her dance classes. So lovely to see her improving and becoming more confident.
- Day 140 – I am grateful for the simple joy of a little boy with a ball.
Other things that have made me smile this week:
- Sophie dressing Thomas up in her clothes.
- Doing a virtual beetle drive on Zoom with church friends. Sophie was nearly always the first to make her beetle – I think she must just be quicker at throwing the dice than the rest of us!
- Sophie deciding she wanted to sit in Thomas’s high chair.