Friday Focus 21/05/21 – Grief

This week has been a tough one with grief being the overriding emotion of the week. It was the third anniversary of Jessica’s funeral on Tuesday. Anniversaries are always hard and it was one of those days when grief felt overwhelming. One of those days when life without Jessica feels too hard to endure and yet I know I have to continue to endure it. On the whole, I’ve learned to ride the waves of grief reasonably well, but they crash over me relentlessly on days like that and all I can do is wait for the storm to pass.

 

The word 'grief'

 

This week though has seen several storms. On Tuesday afternoon, my mother-in-law’s cat was run over. Sophie was absolutely devastated. As well as breaking the news to her about the cat, I also had to tell her that a close family member was dying and sadly they died on Wednesday night. We’re all feeling quite raw and devastated. I’m trying to stay strong for those closer to this than I am who need that love and support right now.

 

The last three years have taught me that we will get through but right now we’re just caught in the storm and getting through it as best we can.

 

Gratitude has not come easily this week. I’m thankful that looking for little things to be grateful for is such a habit now though. There have been little rays of sunshine breaking through the clouds every now and then and they do make the storm a little easier to bear.

 

Thomas giving the carving of Jessica at her forever bed a kiss

 

 

What I’ve been grateful for this week:

 

Thomas asleep in my arms; Sophie and Thomas bouncing on the trampoline at the park; Sophie adding dandelion petals to cookie mixture; Thomas having cake at Costa; Thomas asleep in his buggy at Jessica's forever bed; Sophie in her dance outfit; Thomas playing with a ball - "#365daysofgratitude 2021 - Week 20"

 

  • Day 134 – I am grateful for a much-needed afternoon nap for both me and Thomas!

 

  • Day 135 – I am grateful for the joy that a simple trip to the park brings.

 

 

  • Day 137 – I am grateful for being able to go out for coffee and cake.

 

  • Day 138 – I am grateful that Thomas slept for the first part of my visit to Jessica’s forever bed today so I could have a few undisturbed moments sitting with her.

 

  • Day 139 – I am grateful for the joy that Sophie gets from her dance classes. So lovely to see her improving and becoming more confident.

 

  • Day 140 – I am grateful for the simple joy of a little boy with a ball.

 

 

Other things that have made me smile this week:

  • Sophie dressing Thomas up in her clothes.

 

Thomas wearing Sophie's top and skirt

 

  • Doing a virtual beetle drive on Zoom with church friends. Sophie was nearly always the first to make her beetle – I think she must just be quicker at throwing the dice than the rest of us!

 

  • Sophie deciding she wanted to sit in Thomas’s high chair.

 

Sophie sitting in Thomas's high chair

 

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26 thoughts on “Friday Focus 21/05/21 – Grief

  1. I’m sorry it’s been such a hard week. Jessica has been in my thoughts, as have you all. Keep looking for those brief moments of gratitude, you do it so well. x

    1. Thank you Anne. Looking for the moments of gratitude does help especially at times like this x

  2. Grief is like that, it’s something most of us have to go and grow through. Nothing that anyone says can make it better.
    Glad you are able to understand and be there for others in their grief too.
    That church thing on Zoom sounds good. Would love to hear more. Was it a social activity?
    Hope you have a great week next week.

    1. That’s very true about grief – we just have to go and grow through it. The beetle drive was a social activity – it’s a game when you have to roll a dice and draw a beetle based on what is thrown. It works quite well over Zoom!

  3. Sending love and hugs.I am so sorry about your mother in laws cat and your family member. It sounds like it’s been a rough week for you all.
    Lovely photos. It’s good you have found some positive moments in such a dreadful week x

  4. Sounds like it’s been a hard week but with some bright spots. I don’t think I ever dressed my brother up in my clothes but he once put on my tutu for a joke. I still have that photo somewhere!

    1. It has been a tough week but there have been nice moments here and there too. Sophie quite enjoys dressing her brother up and he tolerates it quite well!

  5. Your sheer strength amazes me Louise. You may not be feeling it inside, but you are so so brave. I’m so glad that you managed to pull some positives from what was a very tough week. I love the photos of Thomas dressed up and Sophie sitting in the highchair.
    Sending lots of love. x

    1. Thank you Jayne. I’ve definitely not been feeling all that strong over the last week or so but am getting through as best I can x

  6. I’m so very sorry you’ve been grieving so much over the past week. I thankfully don’t experience grief over someone’s death that often, as all my deceased relatives were elderly, so that makes it easier to process. I can relate though to anniversaries being hard, in my case anniversaries of other traumatic events.

    All this being said, I am so glad you are able to find gratitude in the little things despite all the hard emotions. #MMBC

    1. Thank you Astrid. Sorry that you have tough anniversaries too. I do find that looking for little things to be grateful for helps especially when things are hard.

  7. Sorry to hear it has been such a hard and emotional week full of grief. But glad you managed to find some bright spots.

    Always nice to go out for coffee and cake.

    Sophie dressing up Thomas in her clothes made me smile!

  8. Louise, I am so sorry to read that you have been dealing with acute grief this week. It is perfectly normal. Please know that I am sending hugs and prayers from this side of the Atlantic. Your poor mother-in-law and Sophie must have a difficult time dealing with an added burden of grief right now. Your gratitude practice is especially important right now. The photo of Thomas in Sophie’s clothes made me smile too. Thanks for sharing! 🙂

  9. Three years, goodness, my heart breaks for you and your family at this difficult time. I have no words and simply can’t imagine your pain but the love for Jessica still shines. #project365

  10. I am so sorry to hear you have struggled this week, it certainly all seems to have come at once. Love Thomas’ coat, it is super cute. Hope this week is kinder to you all

  11. Sorry, it has been a difficult week, sending love and hugs. But looks like some lovely moments too. Sophie suddenly looks really grown up in the highchair photo. I love how she has dressed up Thomas in her clothes.

    1. She does look very grown-up all of a sudden. It was funny to see Thomas walking around in her clothes.

    1. Thanks Jane. We’ve used dandelions in baking a few times – you can also make amazing dandelion honey from them.

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