I’m feeling a little drained this week. Lots of emotions swirling around making me feel emotionally drained, and a few too many balls to juggle leaving me physically drained.
It’s to be expected in some ways. We’re coming up to the fourth anniversary of Jessica’s death, which is just under a month away, and tough memories, ‘what-if’s’ and feelings of guilt have been bubbling up to the surface. I’ve also been reflecting more on them this week through a course I’m doing at church. It’s not a bad thing to bring it all up to the surface but it is draining. I know that the next few weeks are going to be tough ones but I also know that I can get through the storm.
Last week at church, we were asked what kind of animal we would like to be. My reply was that I’d like to be a hibernating bear with nothing to do but sleep. That certainly feels quite appealing at the moment!
What I’ve been grateful for this week:
- Day 70 – I am grateful for Thomas’s joy at finding ‘acorns’ (fir cones) and fallen rhododendrons while out for a walk.
- Day 71 – I am grateful that Sophie had such a fun time at her friend’s birthday party.
- Day 72 – I am grateful that Thomas has become much more interested in mark-making now that he’s realised he can make letters, words and numbers that way.
- Day 73 – I am grateful that Sophie enjoyed going on her first school trip in nearly 3 years.
- Day 74 – I am grateful for evenings when my husband is home to help in the run-up to bedtime.
- Day 75 – I am grateful for beautiful loving moments like that this.
- Day 76 – I am grateful for the restorative power of sleep.
Other things that have made me smile this week:
- Sitting outside in the sunshine and having some time for myself while Thomas was at preschool.
- Trying on costumes for the show and rehearsing in our Victorian seaside costumes. I’ll be wearing a corset in the show and I have to admit I love the way it pulls everything in and makes me stand up straight.
- Getting washing out on the line.
- Being able to shed the coat one afternoon on the school run this week.