Friday Focus 16/10/20 – Remembering

This week is baby loss awareness week and like many others, I lit my candle at 7pm yesterday for the wave of light, remembering my beautiful Jessica and thinking of my fellow bereaved parents and their little angels. I sometimes call it child awareness week, although it isn’t officially that – there isn’t a specific awareness week for those of us who have lost older children as far as I know – but I do think it’s an important time when the taboo that surrounds baby and child loss can be lifted, even if only for a short time, and people feel able to talk about and remember the little ones they have lost.


The word 'remembering'


One of the many hard things about having to live life without your child is that feeling that you can’t talk about them as freely as you would like to. I do talk easily and comfortably about Jessica myself, but I can tell when the person I am talking to is awkward about me talking about her. It’s hard too because there are no new stories to tell – all you can do is repeat the old ones. And as time moves on, those experiences are further away and it becomes harder still. But it’s so important to remember those stories, and remember our children. They existed and they matter.


This week, I had a message from Jessica’s reception teacher. She’d visited Jessica’s forever bed and sent me a photo from her visit. As she arrived there, the sun came through the trees, encircling Jessica and to her it felt like Jessica’s big beaming smile. She told me that she’d recited the story of the Gruffalo (one of Jessica’s favourites) and told her that she was missed and loved. It meant so much to know that someone other than us took the time to be with Jessica, remembering her with so much love.


This week has also given us another reason for remembering and revisiting old memories. Earlier this week, my husband and I celebrated twenty years since we first got together, back in our uni days. We’ve certainly come a long way since then. It’s been a very tough journey at times, but we’ve walked it together, helping give each other the love, support and strength to get through.


Me and hubby when we first got together


Things that have made me smile this week

  • Seeing the sun’s rays creating a rainbow around Jessica when I visited her forever bed.


The wooden carving of Jessica at her forever bed surrounded by a rainbow halo


  • Making brownies with Sophie.


  • Recreating the story of the prodigal son in Playmobil for our church service last Sunday. Our first service back with a congregation went well which was a huge relief.



  • Doing a treasure trail around Datchet.


Thomas in the buggy with Sophie and Daddy doing a treasure trail in Datchet


  • Getting out for walks with Thomas while Sophie is at school.


Thomas enjoying a walk in Black Park


  • Listening to Thomas counting away to himself. He’s now learned that if you add one to another number, you get the next number (and can do it when I give him random numbers which shows he does understand it). It’s lovely to hear him wandering around saying “1 + [number] equals [next number].” He does love his numbers!


Word of the Week linky

6 thoughts on “Friday Focus 16/10/20 – Remembering

  1. I’m glad service went well. How lovely that Jessica’s teacher went to visit and read to her. Anyone who knew her won’t forget her. I love the rainbow too. x

  2. I have to admit, Jessica’s teacher’s visit to her forever bed, brought a tear to my eye. Jessica really did touch so many people’s hearts. A lovely act to read the Gruffalo to her too. I ‘m glad to hear that the first church service went well. The Playmobil story is a fun idea. Had to smile at the wild living scene! Sweet photo of the two of you. Oh so young! #wotw

    1. Thank you Cheryl, it meant a lot that Jessica’s teacher visited her. I had fun putting together the Playmobil prodigal son. We do look very young in that photo!

  3. It seems sad that it is baby loss awareness week not child loss awareness week. It is important to remember all of the children we have lost. Sending love and hugs.
    That is so lovely that Jessica’s reception teacher visited Jessica’s forever bed. What a thoughtful and caring thing to do.
    I’m glad the church service went well. That Playmobil video is brilliant x

    1. I think it’s because baby loss sadly occurs far more frequently than losing older children but I agree that it is important to remember all those children. It meant a lot that Jessica’s teacher visited her. I had fun doing the Playmobil video 🙂

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