#365daysofgratitude – Week 30

For the last two years, I have taken part in a daily gratitude challenge – sharing one photo a day on Instagram of something I am grateful for. It’s taught me to look for the little things and has made me a more positive person. It has not always been easy to find something to be grateful for each day though, especially since losing my beautiful daughter Jessica in April. Jessica’s zest for life, her strength and the joy that she gave to all who knew her have always inspired me. I continue with this challenge every day in honour of her.

This week has been a very eventful one for us with the arrival of our rainbow baby Thomas. It has been a rollercoaster of emotions – so much joy with Thomas’s arrival, mixed with the sadness that his biggest sister is no longer here with us. I am so grateful for my three beautiful children and the joy that each of them has brought to me.

Day 203 – I am grateful for a productive day clearing out some of the clutter from the spare room. This wall was piled up with boxes this morning. Still lots of things to find homes for but we’ve got rid of a lot of it.

Day 204 – I am grateful for gas and air. We spent most of this afternoon at the hospital having an ECV to try and turn Peanut who was having none of it. It wasn’t the most pleasant procedure and I’m feeling quite bruised this evening. Peanut seems quite happy though. Plan is to try again next week if this little pickle doesn’t want to turn by themselves.

Day 205 – I am grateful for getting to watch our caterpillars transform into butterflies. We released our butterflies into the garden today and thought of Jessica as they flew away. It was a lovely way to remember her.

Day 206 – I am grateful for bubbles. Such a simple activity but so lovely to see how much fun Sophie had with them.

Day 207 – I am grateful for unexpected acts of kindness. Thank you so much to our local church for your kind wishes for us to have a nice summer and for sending us such a lovely box of goodies.

Day 208 – I am grateful for the safe arrival of baby Thomas late last night. I had a home breech birth with three wonderful independent midwives and our little boy weighs in at 5lb 13oz. Jessica would have been so thrilled as she wanted to have a little brother. Sophie has enjoyed her first cuddles with baby Thomas and I am sure that his biggest sister will be watching over him too.

Day 209 – I am grateful for the love I have for this wee man of mine. I was so indifferent to him in the second half of my pregnancy after losing Jessica and would have honestly traded that pregnancy to have Jessica back. I was scared that I would struggle to bond with Thomas when he arrived especially if he was a boy. Last night I looked at him and realised that if I now had to choose between having him or Jessica it would be a terrible awful choice that I would never want to have to make. I love him every bit as much as I love Jessica. He is my child every bit as much as my girls are. His arrival takes nothing from the love I have for Jessica and Sophie and Jessica’s place in my heart is still just as important. I don’t miss her any less for having Thomas; if anything he makes me miss her more because I wish so very much that she could be here too. She would have been such a proud big sister. Thomas reminds me so much of Jessica as a baby.