#365daysofgratitude 2019 – Week 9

For three years, I have taken part in a daily gratitude challenge, sharing a photo of one thing I am thankful for each day on Instagram. There have been days when finding little things to be grateful for has been very easy to do and others when it has been incredibly hard. Life as a bereaved parent is quite a rollercoaster at times. There have been many moments when I don’t feel grateful for anything at all – just broken and bruised. However, looking for those little moments has helped me even on the darkest of days. Hard though it may be at times, I have always managed to find something to be thankful for.

 

My eldest daughter Jessica was an inspiration to me throughout her short life. She had so much strength and such a wonderful zest for life. Her godmother described her once as a “joy carrier” and it was the perfect description for her. She was a little ray of sunshine, full of smiles and gave joy to all who knew her. I am, and will always be, grateful to be her mummy. She taught me to enjoy the little moments and to make the most of everyday because tomorrow is never promised. I continue with this challenge in honour of my beautiful brave girl.

 

If you would like to join me in a daily gratitude challenge for 2019, do feel free to use the hashtag #LHBL365daysofgratitude2019 on Instagram so I can find your posts there.

 

Our new fridge-freezer; Sophie with her dolly's pram; Sophie holding the paper doll versions of her and Jessica; Sophie pushing Thomas in his baby swing; Thomas smiling on his mat; Sophie doing a ballet pose in front of the mirror in the new ballet studio; Thomas asleep in my arms - "#365daysofgratitude 2019 - Week 9"

 

Day 55 – I am grateful that we finally have a new fridge-freezer after a few months of having to deal with the old one being temperamental.

Day 56 – I am grateful for an after-school trip to the park.

Day 57 – I am grateful that Sophie opened up a little about Jessica at a home visit today for some bereavement support. She doesn’t talk very much about her sister and can be quite resistant to attempts to encourage her to do so although will always include Jessica when talking about her family. She enjoyed making some paper dolls to represent each person in the family – these ones are her and Jessica. We talked about Jessica at bedtime and I reminded Sophie how very much her big sister loved her. It was nice to hear her talking a little about Jessica again.

Day 58 – I am grateful for friends that I can be real and open with. Parenting can be lonely at times and parenting through grief lonelier still. Being able to chat with a friend openly and honestly about the struggles of everyday life and to be able to talk about Jessica without any awkwardness really helped that loneliness lift today.

Day 59 – I am grateful for the little rays of sunshine breaking through the storm. I’m finding life very hard right now but every so often there is a moment when the clouds lift and life becomes bearable once again. This little man of mine gives such gorgeous smiles. Thank you Thomas for reminding me that life still has happy moments in it.

Day 60 – I am grateful that Sophie enjoyed her first ballet class in the new dance studio.

Day 61 – I am grateful that Thomas has had a couple of naps today (after not wanting to nap at all yesterday). It did mean I was pinned to the sofa with him, not wanting to move in case he woke up but that was nice relaxing time too. I’m also grateful for feeling well again for the first time in two and a half weeks.

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