This time of year is always a busy one for hubby with trips away and long hours working on events. While to some extent, I am used to this, there are still times when I struggle to accept it, when everything in me rebels against having to be on my own yet again. Because it is hard. It is hard having a husband who is only occasionally around in the mornings to help get the girls ready for the day, and rarely around in the evenings at bedtime. The two busiest and most stressful times of my day are nearly always done single-handedly. During these busy times, having one full day together at a weekend, never mind two, feels like a luxury.
Communication becomes especially important. Sometimes it seems pointless to voice my frustration when doing so can’t change the fact that hubby has to go away or work late, but if nothing else it stops resentment building up. Sometimes I also need to hear that hubby is also frustrated by missing out on time with the girls, that he feels lonely without me too, that we need to support each other through this challenging time. It is hard for all of us – for me, for hubby, for the girls. We work best when we are all together.
It is hard to see through to the other side when we are right in the middle of the busy period. It can get to the point when it feels like hubby is never at home, and is always away. Two little words that I know I have to fight against – two dangerous little words. Two little words that can slip out all too easily in the heat of the moment. I have to remind myself that they are not true – he might not be at home very much right now, but he still comes home, he still spends time with the girls.
And then the storm passes, there is a lull and we are able to enjoy family time again. This is when we are at our happiest. Making memories, having fun together, feeling complete. This is when I am reminded of all the good in our marriage, all the things that work, the moments when we really are a team and all the little things I love about hubby. This is when I know that working through the challenges is worth the effort.
It is the little things that help get us through. Those few minutes chatting to each other using Skype or FaceTime, where we can all see each other, even if it is just via a screen. The photos of the girls that I send to hubby each day when he is away. The little things that say I’m thinking of you, I love you, I miss you, looking forward to you being home again. Those daily phone calls and photos are our lifeline.
There will always be ups and downs, there will always be challenging times. These little storms come and go, but each time we learn to steer through them a little more easily, finding the little things that work for us and making the most of the sunshine when it comes.