Me and You: Passing ships

This time of year is always a busy one for hubby with trips away and long hours working on events. While to some extent, I am used to this, there are still times when I struggle to accept it, when everything in me rebels against having to be on my own yet again. Because it is hard. It is hard having a husband who is only occasionally around in the mornings to help get the girls ready for the day, and rarely around in the evenings at bedtime. The two busiest and most stressful times of my day are nearly always done single-handedly. During these busy times, having one full day together at a weekend, never mind two, feels like a luxury.

Me and You: Passing Ships - reflections on sailing through the little storms of married life - Little Hearts, Big Love

Communication becomes especially important. Sometimes it seems pointless to voice my frustration when doing so can’t change the fact that hubby has to go away or work late, but if nothing else it stops resentment building up. Sometimes I also need to hear that hubby is also frustrated by missing out on time with the girls, that he feels lonely without me too, that we need to support each other through this challenging time. It is hard for all of us – for me, for hubby, for the girls. We work best when we are all together.

 

It is hard to see through to the other side when we are right in the middle of the busy period. It can get to the point when it feels like hubby is never at home, and is always away. Two little words that I know I have to fight against – two dangerous little words. Two little words that can slip out all too easily in the heat of the moment. I have to remind myself that they are not true – he might not be at home very much right now, but he still comes home, he still spends time with the girls.

 

And then the storm passes, there is a lull and we are able to enjoy family time again. This is when we are at our happiest. Making memories, having fun together, feeling complete. This is when I am reminded of all the good in our marriage, all the things that work, the moments when we really are a team and all the little things I love about hubby. This is when I know that working through the challenges is worth the effort.

Me and You (September) - Passing ships - Little Hearts, Big Love

It is the little things that help get us through. Those few minutes chatting to each other using Skype or FaceTime, where we can all see each other, even if it is just via a screen. The photos of the girls that I send to hubby each day when he is away. The little things that say I’m thinking of you, I love you, I miss you, looking forward to you being home again. Those daily phone calls and photos are our lifeline.

 

There will always be ups and downs, there will always be challenging times. These little storms come and go, but each time we learn to steer through them a little more easily, finding the little things that work for us and making the most of the sunshine when it comes.

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10 thoughts on “Me and You: Passing ships

    1. Thanks Kirsten – it is hard when we can’t spend family time together but does make it that much nicer when we can 🙂

  1. This made me slightly emotional as I know what it’s like to be doing it alone for the majority of the time. It sounds like you’re both so very in love and despite work getting in your way you find ways to keep yourselves motivated and together. Communication is the key, isn’t it and it’s awful when that breaks down.
    Hope you get thru this week ok
    xx
    #TwinklyTuesday

    1. It is hard when you’re on your own a lot of the time, isn’t it? Hubby’s worked this way for the last ten years so I should be quite used to it by now but it is still hard when he is away and yes, good communication makes a huge difference. This week hasn’t been too bad thankfully – just trying not to put pressure on myself to achieve too much! x

  2. My husband does long hours a lot too and its hard. I often get resentful and have to try to stop letting the frustrating leak into the time we do have together and ruin it. He is amazing and I have to remind myself how lucky I am that he is the man that he is when he is here. You sound much better adjusted than me!!! #twinklytuesday

    1. I can definitely relate to letting the resentment spill into the time you do have and ruin it – I’ve been guilty of that one many times too. It is so hard when they work long hours and it is easy to forget the things they do when they are around.

  3. Hi Louise, marriage is never easy and having a hubby that works long hours or works away is hard to cope with at times. My husband works almost six months solid without a day off leaving the house at 9am and returning after 7pm, but at least in the winter he gets time off and only works Monday to Friday when there is work.

    I think bottling up resentment creates more problems than having a moan does, it helps release the tension. I know I d it myself at times ( I feel horrible at the time, but I’d rather say it than simmer).

    You sound as if you are doing an admirable job at coping.

    xx

    1. Thank you Debbie – it is really hard at times but I definitely agree that having a grumble every now and then helps and is much better than bottling it up. Sounds like your husband is very busy for those six months when he is working solidly and that must be hard at times for you too.

  4. It is so hard when you both have such busy working lives. Ross and I are lucky enough to work in the same house together most of the time but we still feel like we don’t get quality time to ourselves on occasions. You are right though, communication really does help. Thanks for linking to #PoCoLo x

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