Friday Focus 29/03/19 – It’s all a bit of a mess

The ‘last times’ from this time last year are coming thick and fast on my Timehop now and unsurprisingly my emotions are a mess as a result. This time last year we were in the thick of it all – the viruses that ultimately led to Jessica’s death had well and truly taken hold and while she had moments of perking up and being a little brighter, she was never ‘well’ again. The anniversary of Jessica’s last day at school hit particularly hard. Seeing her friends going in to their classroom, wishing that she was still amongst them. Wishing I could see her and Sophie walking across the playground hand-in-hand.

 

Mess - this week's word of the week

 

The heart community lost another little heart warrior this week. It breaks my heart that another family now walks in these shoes. I wish that no-one else had to endure the pain we live with. CHD can be so very cruel.

 

Mess feels like an appropriate word this week when looking at what is going on with Brexit. I have to confess that I’m relieved that we won’t be crashing out of the EU without a deal today at least, although goodness only knows whether the politicians can ever come to any kind of agreement.

 

Things that have made me smile this week

  • Listening to Thomas laughing.

 

  • Sophie receiving her gold Reading Raccoon certificate at school for reading 100 books.

 

Sophie with her gold Reading Raccoon certificate and a butterfly made by Jessica's friend

 

 

  • An afternoon with friends and watching Thomas being able to enjoy the park for the first time.

 

Thomas on the swings at the park

 

  • Hearing echoes of Jessica in some of the things Sophie says.

 

  • Playing the piano for the first time in ages. It’s one of the things I’ve found hard to do over the last year.

 

  • Sophie painting a rock with a rainbow in memory of Jessica.

 

Sophie painting a rainbow on a rock

 

  • Spending time with a friend and sharing our memories of Jessica.

 

7 thoughts on “Friday Focus 29/03/19 – It’s all a bit of a mess

  1. Last time anniversaries are hard. It’s no wonder you feel the mess. I’m sorry that another family is going through this as well. Along with Brexit happening in the background, which doesn’t help with certainty. Maybe we could all benefit from painting rainbow stones. I think Sophie has the right idea. I think I’ll paint one this weekend for your girl too. Thinking of you all. #wotw

  2. Painting rainbow stones is a lovely thing to do, well done Sophie on her reading achievement. And Thomas looks so cute in the swing.
    The next few weeks are going to be hard and you don’t need me to tell you that, but I know you’ll get through it. Even though your heart is breaking you always find the little things that bring you happiness and gratitude. We all miss Jessica so much, but I can’t even begin to imagine how it must feel for you. You and your lovely little family are always in my thoughts and Jessica will always be in my heart too. xx

  3. These ‘lasts’ must be incredibly heartbreaking for you Louise, I’ve been thinking a lot about you lately and Jessica. It’s sad to hear another family have suffered a loss too. I hope you can find the strength to get through the next few weeks x

  4. It must be a really tough time for you now. I can imagine that those memories must be quite overwhelming as the anniversary gets closer.
    Well done to Sophie on her reading certificate and how wonderful of her to paint a rock in memory of Jessica. x

  5. It’s understandble that your emotions are a mess. I can’t imagine how you are feeling. Sending the biggest of hugs.
    Brexit is such a huge mess. I have lost track of what is actually going on.
    Well done to Sophie with her reading. 100 books is fantastic and the rock painting sounds lovely!

  6. It’s really hard when all of those “lasts” start creeping in – try to take some comfort from knowing that even at the end, she never lost her beautiful smile and her strong spirit.
    For all I didn’t meet Jessica, I feel like I know her through your blog and I often find myself thinking of her – I’m sure I’m not the only one who feels this way, and Jessica’s memory will live on in our hearts.
    Thinking of you all,
    Debbie

  7. It must so so painful for you all at the moment, although I imagine every day is ? I am so sorry you are going through this, and its heartbreaking for that other family. Well done Sophie, she looks so proud bless she is really starting to look like a little girl now rather than a toddler xxx

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