This week has been an emotional one. There’s been moments of joy and things that have made me smile, alongside intense grief-bursts and feeling stressed and angry, moments of feeling very low or anxious, and moments of calmness and feeling more rational about things.
The high point of the last week was watching Sophie dancing at the festival over the weekend. She danced beautifully and came away with 4 gold medals, 2 silver medals and a bronze to add to her collection. Dance festivals can often be a bit of an emotional rollercoaster – I get more nervous watching her dance than she does. You can tell which times her dances were by the spikes in my heartrate on my Fitbit app! She had three new dances – a beautiful modern duet, an adorable musical theatre trio (doing the Hedgehog’s Nightmare which she performed in when we did The Wind in the Willows) and a beautiful lyrical solo.
The lyrical solo was particularly emotional. It’s to the track “The Love You Left Behind” and it’s Sophie telling her story of losing Jessica through dance. She had a lot of input with the choreography and the costume design – choosing pink for the main colour as it was Jessica’s favourite colour and yellow decorations to represent her favourite colour. The white butterfly on her shoulder represents Jessica and the other butterflies represent our family. The emotion in the song meant that it became a little more modern in style rather than lyrical in places, but the first time out was about telling her story how she wanted to, rather than focusing on technique and trying to place. As you can imagine, I was an emotional wreck watching it, but it was beautiful and so very special.
There are various things coming up in the next week which have triggered some strong emotions. We’re coming up to another horrible grief milestone and there have been a lot of intense grief-bursts this week as a result. I’m also due to return to a stressful situation after taking a break from it. I do need to go back, but it’s complicated and I think things might be tricky to navigate for a while. On the plus side, I’m no longer feeling burnt-out so have some capacity to deal with things, but I know I need to be mindful and avoid being burnt-out again.
There have been some lovely calm moments this week though to balance out the emotional rollercoaster. I took some time out for myself on Monday after Sophie and Thomas went back to school which was much-needed. I also had a day off with my husband mid-week to finally use a birthday voucher for a spa day together. Date nights have become very difficult to arrange as our options for childcare have become more limited recently, so we had a date day instead while the children were at school. It was so nice to have that quality time together.
What I’ve been grateful for this week:
- Day 52 – I am grateful for a beautiful first performance for these two girls in their modern duet which saw them placing first in their section.
- Day 53 – I am grateful for getting to see Sophie perform her beautiful new lyrical solo on stage for the first time.
- Day 54 – I am grateful for a lovely few days watching Sophie and her friends dancing at Didcot festival. 8 dances for Sophie this time with 3 of them being danced at a festival for the first time and an amazing result coming away with medals for 7 of them.
- Day 55 – I am grateful for a little bit of time for myself after a busy few days.
- Day 56 – I am grateful for fidget toys.
- Day 57 – I am grateful for a meal out to celebrate my mother-in-law’s birthday.
- Day 58 – I am grateful for a “date day” with my husband enjoying a spa day and afternoon tea.
Other things that have made me smile this week:
- An evening swim in the hotel swimming pool after a long day at the dance festival.
- Doing some decluttering in the dining room and having the dining room table back in full use again.
Joining in with Raisie Bay for Word of the Week.
Sending love and hugs. It does sound like such an emotional week. Well done to Sophie with the dancing festival. It sounds like she is getting quite the collection of medals now. The lyrical solo sounds beautiful!! What a lovely tribute to Jessica.
It hope your stressful situation that you have to return to isn’t as stressful this time around. x
Thank you Kim x
I am deep in the grief of losing my oldest in August last year. So I totally get emotional weeks! But well done to Sophie for all her medals!
I’m so sorry for your loss, Laura. We’re nearly seven years on from losing our eldest and grief is something that we have learned to live with. Thinking of you and your family and sending much love as you navigate your own grief journey x
Sounds like it was a week with lots of ups but some stresses and worries. Hopefully you’ll have the time and space to continue to work through what you need to. Well done Sophie on her dancing successes. Glad you and your husband managed to get some time out together.
Thank you, it was good to have that time out.
Sending strength and love to you for the hard things you are facing. It sounds like you’ve had an incredibly emotional week; it’s good that you feel better able to cope with what’s to come.
Sophie’s lyrical solo sounds beautiful and so moving. I love that the butterfly represents Jessica.
It’s nice that you got to spend some time alone with your husband; a day at the spa sounds like just what you needed.
Thank you, having some time out was definitely much needed!
Well done Sophie on all her medals, but I’m most impressed with her lyrical solo piece. So much thought and meaning put into it, by the sounds of it. I can just imagine that it did spike your Fitbit heart reading. Your week sounds like it was full of emotion and I bet the swim in the pool was a much needed moment to unwind. Also the Spa day too. Here’s to a quieter week.
Thank you Cheryl. The lyrical solo was so beautiful. Definitely good to have moments to unwind last week too.
Well done Sophie dancing at the festival, I love her pink costume for Jessica, such a lovely tribute. Hope your MIL had a good birthday
Thank you, she did.
Oh wow it sounds like their performances were big ones! I am glad you had some time to your self as well.
Thank you, it was nice to have some time out too.
Sophie sounds amazing, I’m sure she’s going to have a bright dancing future ahead of her. I’m sorry you are having to deal with so many emotions though. I know life is a roller coaster, sending hugs.
Thanks Anne. It’s definitely been more of a rollercoaster again recently but nice to have some highs in amongst the harder moments.
Sophie’s dance must have been so special and very emotional for the other people in the audience too. What wonderful and deeply moving choices she made, with the colours and the butterfly. Thank you for sharing these details with us. Sending virtual hugs. xx
Thank you Anca.
What a rollercoaster of emotions for you all! Brilliant job, Sophie, for all the medals and dancing a beautiful tribute to your lovely sister. That still from the video conveys so many emotions. Sophie looks so graceful. You must be proud of all her achievements.
Thank you, I’m so proud of her for all she does.
Sending you lots of love and hugs for the difficult days. Sophie is doing so well. You must be proud too. Give yourself some grace to deal with stressful situations and do what you can to prepare yourself so that you respond appropriately. Life can be so hard at times. Glad you had a good day date. Those can be nicer as your mind is at ease that the children are taken care of. All the best for a lovely weekend and week ahead.
Thank you, giving myself grace to deal with the stressful situations is very good advice.
Sophie’s solo dance does sound like it was very emotional. It made me emotional reading about it, more so now since losing Stephanie. Sophie is an amazing daughter and you should be and I’m sure you are so very very proud of her, she is amazing. Sending you lots of love and hugs as you navigate the difficult road ahead.
Thank you so much Suzanne. Sophie’s solo was so beautiful and such a special way of her including Jessica in something that she loves so much. I love that her dance teacher was able to help her create such a special and emotional dance. I don’t think I’ll ever be able to watch it without being an emotional wreck, but it means a lot to Sophie to be able to express her and Jessica’s story through dance.