This week has been all about Christmas – the countdown to Christmas Day and all the preparations for Christmas and then the magic of Christmas Day itself – well, from my children’s perspective at least!
Christmas is a tough time of year for us as a bereaved family. Jessica is missed so very much throughout the year, but the festive season is one of the times when her absence hits harder. There are all the memories of the Christmases that we enjoyed with her; the bittersweet final Christmas when we were preparing for her to have heart surgery just a few days later and were trying to hide our anxiety and make the day as magical as we could; and the challenges of trying to keep Christmas magical for Sophie and Thomas while also allowing space for our grief and keeping Jessica a part of it all.
On the whole, I think we’ve managed a good balance. We’ve enjoyed a Christmas party at Halo Children’s Foundation, a charity which helps support bereaved children and was particularly helpful for supporting Sophie after Jessica died and we’ve also had quiet chilled out time too. On Christmas Day, we took Jessica’s stocking to her forever bed to open her presents there, and had some quiet time remembering her and acknowledging how very much missed she is. We’ve had time with my husband’s parents and my mum. There have been tearful moments, but there have also been plenty of moments of joy and laughter too. We’ve got through it as best we can, focusing on being together as a family and making the most of that time together.
What I’ve been grateful for this week:
- Day 355 – I am grateful that everything that needed to be done before the kids broke up has been done and we can now relax a bit more and enjoy time together over the festive period.
- Day 356 – I am grateful for a lovely afternoon at the Halo Children’s Foundation Christmas party. Thank you Halo for all you do to help support bereaved children.
- Day 357 – I am grateful for some chilled out time winding down after this evening’s carol service.
- Day 358 – I am grateful for time to bake a batch of cheese scones that aren’t all reserved for a coffee morning!
- Day 359 – I am grateful for the excitement of going to bed on Christmas Eve and waiting for Father Christmas to come.
- Day 360 – I am grateful for my family. For the memories, for the moments we share, the laughter, the tears, and the mundane moments. Life might not be as we’d like it to be, and Christmas can be a tough time but the love that we have for each other, for Jessica and that Jessica had for us holds us together and I’m grateful for that. Merry Christmas everyone.
- Day 361 – I am grateful for a fun Boxing Day evening with my family reminiscing about past Christmases and playing Mahjong.
Other things that have made me smile this week:
- Watching Strictly Come Dancing: 20 Fabulous Years and remembering all those Saturday evenings where Jessica and Sophie would dance together to the various dances.
- Catching up with friends while delivering Christmas presents.
- Going to the Christingle service at a nearby church on Christmas Eve.
- Watching the Gavin and Stacey finale.
- Playing games on Christmas evening.
- Watching old camcorder videos from 1993 with clips from my dad’s 60th birthday and Christmas Day. So lovely to see my dad on film and hear his voice again.
Joining in with Raisie Bay for Word of the Week.
I am using the same word too! It has all been about Christmas this week!
Sending love and hugs. I can’t imagine the Jessica shaped hole in your family especially at Christmas.
Lovely photos, I am glad you had happy moments. How wonderful to see those camcorder videos if your dad. xxx
Thanks Kim. It was lovely seeing the old camcorder videos. I remember being very unimpressed at the time with my brother-in-law filming everything but it is nice to be able to look back and revisit memories of my dad.
It’s so lovely that you still make time for Jessica in your Christmas celebrations. It sounds like you’ve had a bit of mixed bag of a Christmas, but I’m glad you’ve had time for joy. My linky is open now…I got the times messed up this morning.
Thanks Anne. It was mixed but it was good to make time for Jessica too and we did have fun moments as well as sad ones.
It must be so hard to balance especially this time of year. It’s so good that you have the Halo Children’s Foundation for support. It sounds like you’ve found lots of little moments of joy this Christmas. I love the video of Jessica and Sophie dancing. Wishing you a peaceful and gentle new year x
Thanks Angela. Happy new year to you and your family.
So nice to have those videos. I don’t have any of our family, we didn’t really do videos, which is quite sad. Hope you’ve had a lovely Christmas
I remember being very unimpressed at my brother-in-law constantly filming things at the time but it is nice to have those videos to look back on.
How precious to have video and voice of your father and of Jessica, it’s not something we have much of Stephanie or my father, I must make it a priority to look through the old VHS. It sounds like Christmas was a lovely family time for you. The Halo children’s Foundation sounds like it has been a great support for the children and you and your husband.
The videos are lovely. I have very few clips of my dad so seeing the camcorder video was particularly special. Halo Children’s Foundation has been great for providing support. They really helped Sophie, particularly in the first couple of years after Jessica died.