I’d have liked to have come up with a positive word this week after the last couple of weeks but to be honest, right now I’m just trying to get through each day as best I can. Trying to find little moments of positivity where I can in amongst yet another week where life has felt unendurably hard at times. I’m trying to see a glimmer of light at the end of this particular tunnel. I know it’s there. I just have to keep moving forward and hoping that the darkness will start to lift soon.
Thomas has been rather trying this week, particularly on the potty training front. He was doing really well last week but this week has felt like we’re starting all over again. We’ve come close to running out of dry clothes, not to mention patience with it all on my part. Again, I know that this will pass and he will get there but my goodness, it’s hard work right now.
I’ve also been trying to find backups of my documents to transfer to my new computer as my husband was unable to retrieve all the data off my old hard drive. Thankfully all the important things (such as photos and videos of Jessica) were backed up elsewhere and most of my day-to-day files are backed up on the cloud so I haven’t lost too much data.
What I’ve been grateful for this week:
- Day 260 – I am grateful for Grandma looking after Thomas so I could go and give blood.
- Day 261 – I am grateful to everyone who came along to our coffee morning at church and helped us raise £45 for Little Hearts Matter.
- Day 262 – I am grateful for hugs from friends and a little note left on the church piano for me at the start of today’s service. I’m struggling a lot with grief at the moment but having that support is helping make things feel a little more bearable. Thank you to everyone who has been willing to sit with me this morning and understand that while some things cannot be fixed, just being there is helpful.
- Day 263 – I am grateful for a gentle day – time for myself this morning, lunch at the HALO play café with a friend while Thomas enjoyed the soft play and finishing a good book once the children were in bed. The storms will come again, but today is a reminder that there are also moments of calm in the storms of grief and moments of sunshine. Just have to keep taking it moment by moment.
- Day 264 – I am grateful that Thomas slept in a bit and woke me at 6am instead of 5am as he has been doing recently. Fingers crossed it was due to switching him back to long-sleeved pyjamas for bedtime and not just a one-off.
- Day 265 – I am grateful for pretty paper for writing letters to friends.
- Day 266 – I am grateful for all the props that help make our Thursday activities so much fun.
Other things that have made me smile this week:
- Jessica’s butterfly being moved from the Explorers room at Girls’ Brigade into the Juniors room as she would have now been in the Juniors section.
- A boat trip on the Thames with family.