It’s been a bit of an emotional rollercoaster of a week as it was the two-year anniversary of Jessica’s funeral on Monday. Both Sunday and Monday were very tough days with grief hitting us very hard. Jessica is so very much missed by us all, and always will be. Even though I expected those two days in particular to be tough ones, it can still take me by surprise just how all-consuming grief can be.
We often think of our grief as being put in a box – that’s how we keep going, keep smiling, keep laughing, keep enjoying life. And then we open the box and fall down the rabbit-hole of grief. Sometimes it’s out of choice. It may sound strange, but sometimes we feel we need to connect to our grief to connect to the “realness” of life with Jessica and how much we love and miss her. Other times, the smallest of triggers can force the box open. And even though we have mostly learned how to navigate the storms of grief, and to allow them to take us where they will; when they come they are no less intense than they were in those early days after Jessica died. I think they always will be, to be honest, but I can live with that.
Things that have made me smile this week
- Making a peg whale with Sophie for a Jonah and the whale themed craft.
- Sophie’s delight at getting a letter and a coin from the tooth fairy after losing one of her top teeth.
- Eating most of our meals out in the garden. Thomas has been sitting at the little table with Sophie like a big boy. He’s not always very good at staying on the chair though and will often get up and then point to the chair and say, “Sit down! Sit down!”
- Going for a walk along the canal with Sophie.
- Baking cupcakes with Sophie. She’s now able to do most of the mixing herself and did a pretty good job with piping the frosting on too.
- Sophie finding one of our ice paints in the fridge and thinking it was an ice lolly. Thankfully it was just blue food colouring mixed with water rather than being paint but it did leave her with a very blue face!
- Seeing so many of the roses now in bloom in the garden.
- Watching Thomas with his numbered stacking boxes. He will spend ages playing with them and talking to them: “Oh no! Where seven gone? Hello seven! Bye-bye seven!”
- Planting sunflowers and vegetables with Sophie.
- Sitting in the garden while Thomas naps and watching the birds on the bird feeders.
Your words about grief are so true. It doesn’t matter how long it has been you can still find that box triggered, or even, as you say, find it necessary to trigger it deliberately. Grief hurts, but it also becomes your connection. Jessica will always be such a huge part of your life.
I love your photos and Thomas sounds so cute. I have to admit I giggled out loud when I saw the photo of Sophie with a blue face 🙂
#wotw
Yes that’s exactly it. Grief is part of our lives now, just as Jessica will always be a huge part of our lives. Sophie’s blue face made me giggle when I walked in the front room to find her looking like that!
Grief really is the strangest thing isn’t it? It really does catch us off guard and everyone has different ways of dealing with it. I definitely find accepting and experiencing it the best and most helpful way. All of our emotions are valid.
Thank you so much for the laugh you just gave me with that photo of Sophie, the innocence of a child on the hunt for something sweet to munch! Absolutely brilliant. I’m so impressed by her piping skills too, far neater than any of my attempts! #WotW
Grief is indeed a strange thing and yes I find accepting the emotions makes them easier to deal with too. Glad that the photo of Sophie made you laugh 🙂
I am so sorry to read that you have been feeling more grief than usual at the anniversary of Jessica’s funeral, Louise. It is good to be able to let your grief out of the box. Suppressing it would be even worse than letting it out.
Sophie’s whale is adorable! I might try to do something like that with my grandchildren. You seem to have a real little baker on your hands. Her piping skills are impressive. Great British Baking Show, watch out!
Thank you Laurie – I do find it helps to allow myself to feel what I need to feel. I’m very impressed with Sophie’s piping skills too – she’s got the hang of it very quickly.
I am so sorry for your pain, but love that you allow yourself and family to feel the feels when they hit. And that blue smile!! So cute!
Thank you. The blue smile made me smile 🙂
Sending love and hugs. I am so sorry to read you had a rough start to the week.
It sounds like you have had some lovely moments. Sophie’s whale is fab and thank goodness the tooth fairy is a key worker. hehehe Oops with the icy paint. Her blue face is very cute though. x
Thank you Kim. It did make me chuckle when I saw her trying to eat the ice paint 🙂
Likening the movement through grief as a rollercoaster is relatable. I’m sorry it has been a tough week. Jessica was a special girl. Sending hugs.
I am totally in awe at Sophie’s icing skills. Far better than mine. I hope the blue “ice lolly” didn’t taste too bad. I like her whale peg too. Thomas is at such a funny stage. Love the idea of him telling the chair to sit down. What a beautiful rose. I hope you have a good week. #wotw
Thank you Cheryl. I was impressed by Sophie’s piping skills too and Thomas makes me chuckle with some of the things he comes out with at the moment.