It’s been a bit of an emotional rollercoaster of a week as it was the two-year anniversary of Jessica’s funeral on Monday. Both Sunday and Monday were very tough days with grief hitting us very hard. Jessica is so very much missed by us all, and always will be. Even though I expected those two days in particular to be tough ones, it can still take me by surprise just how all-consuming grief can be.
We often think of our grief as being put in a box – that’s how we keep going, keep smiling, keep laughing, keep enjoying life. And then we open the box and fall down the rabbit-hole of grief. Sometimes it’s out of choice. It may sound strange, but sometimes we feel we need to connect to our grief to connect to the “realness” of life with Jessica and how much we love and miss her. Other times, the smallest of triggers can force the box open. And even though we have mostly learned how to navigate the storms of grief, and to allow them to take us where they will; when they come they are no less intense than they were in those early days after Jessica died. I think they always will be, to be honest, but I can live with that.
Things that have made me smile this week
- Making a peg whale with Sophie for a Jonah and the whale themed craft.
- Sophie’s delight at getting a letter and a coin from the tooth fairy after losing one of her top teeth.
- Eating most of our meals out in the garden. Thomas has been sitting at the little table with Sophie like a big boy. He’s not always very good at staying on the chair though and will often get up and then point to the chair and say, “Sit down! Sit down!”
- Going for a walk along the canal with Sophie.
- Baking cupcakes with Sophie. She’s now able to do most of the mixing herself and did a pretty good job with piping the frosting on too.
- Sophie finding one of our ice paints in the fridge and thinking it was an ice lolly. Thankfully it was just blue food colouring mixed with water rather than being paint but it did leave her with a very blue face!
- Seeing so many of the roses now in bloom in the garden.
- Watching Thomas with his numbered stacking boxes. He will spend ages playing with them and talking to them: “Oh no! Where seven gone? Hello seven! Bye-bye seven!”
- Planting sunflowers and vegetables with Sophie.
- Sitting in the garden while Thomas naps and watching the birds on the bird feeders.