“When it rains, look for rainbows. When it’s dark, look for stars” (author unknown)
It’s been an up-and-down week but there have been moments where rainbows have broken through the clouds of grief, tiredness and overwhelm. The highlight of the week was leading Sunday’s parade service when our new Boys’ and Girls’ Brigade members were enrolled. I had the joy of welcoming Thomas into the Anchors section of Boys’ Brigade, wearing his new uniform for the first time. My first parade service in five and a half years where I had two children there in Brigades’ uniform (and almost six years on from the first one with my girls both there in uniform for the first time). Like all these moments, it was beautiful, but bittersweet.
My big girl would have been very proud of her little brother. She would have been in the Seniors section now. Her butterfly moves up though, marking her place in the Company. I wish that I could have had the experience of all three of my children there at parade service although thanks to Photoshop, I could get a glimpse of it. Jessica would have looked more grown-up than she does in this photo, but it’s the closest I can get to what that moment might have looked like and I’m grateful for that.
A couple of days later we spotted a rainbow cloud on the way to school. The rainbow was only there in the cloud for a few seconds before it faded away but I like to think it was a little sign from Jessica reminding us that she’s still with us. It made me think of the lines of this poem:
“Look for me in rainbows, high up in the sky.
In the evening sunset,
When all the world is through,
Just look for me and love me
And I’ll be close to you.”
(Taken from the poem ‘Look for me in rainbows’, author unknown)
In just under two weeks, Sophie and I will be performing in The Wizard of Oz. Mentally, this show has been a tough one for me as Jessica’s class sang ‘Over the Rainbow’ at her memorial assembly and I’m transported back to that moment every time I hear it. I have, however, now reached the point where I have been able to sing it in rehearsal (the whole cast sing it for the curtain call) without crying so hopefully I will get through it during show week. Fortunately I’m at the end of the row near the back for the curtain call as the director knows I find that song difficult and so has placed me where I can quietly slip off stage should it all be too much.
Finally, it’s 23 years today since my husband and I got together at university – which was also a Friday 13th. We’ve certainly weathered our fair share of storms in our years together, but there have been lots of rainbows too and I’m thankful that we’ve shared those moments together.
What I’ve been grateful for this week:
- Day 279 – I am grateful for Friday evening downtime at Costa chatting with friends while our children are at Boys’ and Girls’ Brigade.
- Day 280 – I am grateful for time out in the garden clearing out some of the overgrown areas.
- Day 281 – I am grateful for the joy and privilege of leading the service this morning and welcoming our new Brigade members in their enrolment service including my own little Anchor boy.
- Day 282 – I am grateful for Photoshop.
- Day 283 – I am grateful that Thomas spotting a plane in the sky on the school run encouraged me to look up too and see the rainbow in one of the clouds.
- Day 284 – I am grateful that knitting helps calm my busy brain.
- Day 285 – I am grateful for cuddles.
Other things that have made me smile this week:
- Seeing photos of my new great-niece. Looking forward to hopefully getting to meet her soon.
- Thomas riding on Sophie’s back after church.
- Helping Sophie make a dragon puppet for her home learning.
- Thomas addressing his school Christmas card design “To Santa or counting by 42s” – my boy is obsessed with skip counting at the moment.
- Thomas putting on Sophie’s onesie and looking like a little teddy bear.