I sit on the sofa with a sleeping baby in my arms and a cup of tea next to me. For a moment, I think I should put him down. My to-do list is a long one at this time of year. I think of the jobs I should be… View Post

Grief and life after Jessica: Say her name

Grief and life after Jessica: Say her name

I shared a post recently on my personal Facebook feed to help family and friends with Christmas cards this year. A reminder that it was okay to include Jessica’s name. That phrases such as “and remembering…” or “never forgetting…” do not offend a bereaved parent, but are welcomed. Jessica may… View Post

Complicated emotions: loving my rainbow baby

Complicated emotions: loving my rainbow baby

In the beginning, there was joy. Two excited big sisters. The dream of life as five. My big girl patting my tummy, giving it kisses. Resting her head on my bump, telling me that you were kicking her. Excitement, anticipation, joy.   Then utter desolation.   Joy turned to sorrow.… View Post

Grief and life after Jessica: Six months on

Grief and life after Jessica: Six months on

Six months. Six months since the last time I cuddled my big girl; the last time I looked into her beautiful eyes. How can six months have passed by already, how did I manage to survive six months without her? And yet I have and will continue to do so.… View Post

Grief and life after Jessica: “No, I have …

Grief and life after Jessica: “No, I have three children.”

I had a conversation with an acquaintance recently, triggered by a discussion about whether I was planning any more children. The conversation went something like this:   Her: “Well, two children is enough.” Me: “Three.” Her: “Oh yes, I forgot about Jessica.” (pause) “Well, two really. Nice to have one… View Post

Grief and life after Jessica: The school run

Grief and life after Jessica: The school run

Here I am again – back to doing the school run. Dropping a little girl off at a reception classroom once more. How different it all is second time around. I’ve relaxed back into that familiar routine very quickly. I’m more confident, the faces on the school run are familiar… View Post