Friday Focus 02/01/2026 – Memories

This time of year is all about spending quality time together and making memories. It’s the one time of year when my husband gets to properly switch off from work and there are fewer pressures on our time from other activities and commitments. We’ve had a nice mix of downtime and activities, time for ourselves and time visiting my family.

 

 

I’ve been revisiting memories of family Christmases – remembering how my parents, twin sister and I used to play Mahjong together and the little catchphrases that were part of those games. Now that Sophie is able to play, it’s something that’s becoming part of our own family Christmas tradition, but it was also nice to have a few games when visiting my twin sister and reminisce together.

 

This time of year is also a significant one with our memories of Jessica as she had her last planned heart surgery eight years ago between Christmas and New Year. I remember the way my girls hugged goodbye at the hospital and how Jessica was more concerned that Sophie would be okay during her stay at Nanny’s than she was about having heart surgery herself. I remember the way she went off to theatre with a big smile on her face, the anxiety of waiting and the relief at hearing that the surgery had gone well and we were able to go and see her on PICU.

 

 

New Year is always a hard time for memories. It’s a reminder of time passing – another year without Jessica in it, but seeing the fireworks every year also brings back very vivid memories of the last new year we saw in with Jessica. She was awake again, having been sedated for a few days after her surgery, and one of the nurses brought over a laptop so she could see the fireworks. I remember our joy at seeing in new year with her, and the feeling of hope that we had knowing that we were the other side of the surgery. It’s a beautiful memory and one that is so very precious to me, but to have the memory of that beautiful moment but not have Jessica is so painful.

 

 

Grief is a funny thing. It might sound strange that we choose to welcome the pain and embrace it at the start of each year, but for those few moments, we are back in that hospital room again and Jessica is with us and it all feels so very real. Yes it hurts, but I’d rather have that and feel the realness of that moment again than push it away because Jessica was here and she was and is loved so very much, and sometimes I just need to feel the intensity of that emotion too. I’m thankful for the memories I have of my beautiful big girl. I just wish I had her too.

 

 

What I’ve been grateful for this week:

 

 

• Day 360 – I am grateful for a Boxing Day buffet.

 

• Day 361 – I am grateful for family time together playing a few games of Mahjong.

 

• Day 362 – I am grateful for lovely Christmas presents that help encourage screen-free creative time.

 

• Day 363 – I am grateful for the joy Sophie has had performing in panto this year, playing the young princess in Sleeping Beauty. So lovely to be there for her final two shows today – chaperoning one and watching the other. So proud of her and the way she gives it her all.

 

• Day 364 – I am grateful for spending time with my mum.

 

• Day 365 – I am grateful for ten years of daily gratitude. It has not always been easy to find something to be grateful for, and there have been many days in that time which have been incredibly hard ones, but trying to find one little glimmer has helped me on my darkest days and I’m grateful for that.

 

 

• Day 1 – I am grateful for a lovely afternoon catching up with my twinny over a few games of Mahjong.

 

 

Other things that have made me smile this week:

• Thomas trying out his new moon shoes.

 

 

• Taking Thomas to the panto to see Sophie performing and my husband being picked to be the dame’s boyfriend.

 

 

• Spending time with three of my siblings.

 

• Sophie enjoying cuddles with her baby cousin.

 

 

 

Joining in with Raisie Bay for Word of the Week.